"I can prove God exists." It was manifestly

"I can prove God exists." It was manifestly odd remark coming from a man who'd professed to be an atheist all his life, but when Gordon took me to his laboratory and showed me

He felt that he could detect a sentient light behind the robot's LED eyes. Gordon thought he was losing his mind, why would this particular combination yield intelligence?

Fearing for the result, Gordon went for the monkey wrench. The robot was lightening fast and snatched the spanner. Gordon realized his espresso machine's AI was coded by Bungie.

Bungie... Suddenly an idea struck Gordon. He grabbed the espresso machine and ran to the window. Cursing silently, he clipped one end of it to a protruding valve and the other

to the HR rep's belt buckle. He yelled 'Team building my ass!' and shoved the rep hard out the window. A spectator on the street below

caught the HR rep by the necktie, inadvertently strangling and killing him. A crowd gathered and accused the well intentioned man of murder. Fearful, he

tickled his Elmo which was an evil evil evil evil evil evil toy because, aside from being satanic red,

it was also possessed by the voices of Hitler and Aleister Crowley. Everytime you tickled it, it would say things like "Ich bin ein böser Marionette" or "Ordinary morality is only

a pro tanto suggestion, so do what thou wilt." Tickle Me Elmo is also adorned with horns, bloodshot eyes, and a cute little mustache. Look for it at a Toys 'R' Us near you!