Allie carried in the last of her stuff. Phew!

Allie carried in the last of her stuff. Phew! First year of college DONE! Made it on the Dean's List too. But should tell her parents what she really learned at college this year?

What Allie learned would totally freak her parents out. College wasn't supposed to teach those things. Yeah she was on the Dean's list, but this list, was well, different.

"Epistemology? Quantum electrodynamics? International Finance? This was supposed to be about sex, drugs, and -- you know, whatever." Were her libertine family to discover the true

extent of her petit bourgeois entrenchment then turkey would fly this Christmas. She packed the de luxe crackers with a mixture of bafflement & dread. She unfroze the nut roast

and re-heated it just by glaring at it with her furious eyes. Plum pudding oozed from her pores, and she wept upon it with rummy tears. She tore out her heart and served it on a

bed of spinach to her dinner guests. "That's going to leave a scar," she realized, just as she passed out. Plum pudding and spiced rum were served for dessert. She wouldn't miss

The plum pudding her grandmother made. It was impossible to finish it because is was

not actually real. Instead, it was an illusion crafted from the very depths of her grandmother's mind. The plums were a lie, just like everything else.

It had taken years for her to see through her grandmother's subterfuge, but now that she could see past the illusions, she began planning how to use the plums to give grandma a tas

er experience that would fry her grandmotherboard. "How do you like those plums Grandma!"