Oswald Kettlepot, or 'Oz' as his friend called

Oswald Kettlepot, or 'Oz' as his friend called him, had a peculiar problem. His one and only friend, Patricia Snodgrass, evoked a reaction in Oz that caused him to sneeze

every time she uttered the words "buttermilk pancakes". This made it really inconvenient when they went to IHOP for breakfast.

However, it did make for a great party trick to pull whenever we wanted to make a dinner party more enjoyable. Though it was rather uncomfortable at my aunt's funeral when

All that Tide detergent....talk about bubbles! Then we had to wash all the clothes with dawn dish soap, which does nothing for the grass stains that got on the shorts by

Brad's lecherous afternoon. He was disgusting. Especially in the afternoon. Something about all the fire cheetohs and moutain dew brought it out in him.

"A simple chemical reaction. And you'll do it again." Brad knew the professor was right, it was a compulsion. He ate the snack, drank the soda, and began puking a caustic foam

Onto the counter, where little green men calculated the compoisition of Brad's puke. They took copious notes and gave them to their boss. This was tedious but necessary to know

what the effect of the relative humidity of Brad's lungs could possibly have on the inter stellar environment. Without that knowledge it would be impossible to safely

ditch the helmet. He managed to turn around and tried to keep his eyes open for as long as possible. For as long as it would take to carry this memory to the next life.