Listen, you've all heard the term slack-jawed

  • Listen, you've all heard the term slack-jawed yokel before. Y'know, a country bumpkin? A rambling rutabaga? Cauliflower cousin? A crossroads vanilla bean? Well it's neither here no

  • r there, up nor down, left nor right, you need to look if your looking for the Univ. for Unqualified Dopes and Assorted Vegatables. It's right here! Behind this hallowed barn door

  • is the university!" I gasped, and opened the barn doors: the barn was much bigger on the inside, and held a massive university campus, stupid people and vegetables walking around.

  • I quickly slammed the barn door and sprayed it with gasoline. I threw a match and watched the oily smoke float into the sky. No one should ever see the unholy evil in that

  • Ford Pinto Hatchback! With a muted swooosh it caught flame and started to darken the sky. I hadn't expected that. From all the hoopla I expected it to explode. Then I remembered,

  • the burning car was not mine. I owned an AMC Gremlin which was parked on another parking level entirely. Whew! I ran to it as one runs to an old lover in one's dreams. My Gremlin!

  • This 1973 green car I drove in high school was rusted and smelled like rotted bananas. Once it burned it no longer was there. I woke up and threw out rotted bananas. Life is weird!

  • Like, there was this other time where I rode a totally rad skate board down this steep hill, right? And it hit this rock that had all sorts of cool sparkly bits in it, and man I

  • found my bliss as I tumbled through the air along with my skate board in slow-mo. I landed in soft grass and went back to bang my forehead on the rock to embed those sparkly bits

  • of crystal and gem on my helmet. Now it wouldn't look so dorky anymore. Afterwards, I decided to give my wheels a break and walk back to my house so I could rekindle old thoughts.



  1. SlimWhitman Nov 26 2016 @ 04:51

    I rekindled them by rubbing together the rocks in my head, just like they taught me at Unqualified Dopes U.

  2. Woab Nov 26 2016 @ 12:00

    My Alma Mater, too. Go, Fighting Turnips!!!!!

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