When you live on a farm, every passing car's

When you live on a farm, every passing car's a big deal, but this car was even more so. We could smell the land developer stench a half mile away. Protocol for these types mandated

that we stand and chew our cud. No talking or kabitzing. The wealthy land developers could never know that the Bovine Liberation Front had nearly completed its plan to take the

world by storm with its varietal performance act "Up with Cattle!" According to theory, bovine liberation could only be achieved by attracting popular support for cows, & the BLF

took the Chick-Fil-A advertiser's playbook to heart. While the Bovine Liberation Front (BLF)'s "EAT MORE CHIKKIN" campaign offended poultryists, they needed traction with American

since it's located in Cuba. Turns out they had a surplus of pork just swimming in some basin somewhere. Rudy's BBQ Shack was where all the American Gladiators ate when away from Ru

Paul's drag race track, which had much better food, but was not always open. Rudy's BBQ Shack is open 24/7 and uses only the finest bloated pork that is found in any sewer system.

Okay, I admit to being “over-the-top” when it comes to Rudy’s BBQ Shack. That damn Rudy not only ran off with my girlfriend, Betty Lou, but he short-changed me on a family meal.

Betty Lou also took my Cadillac. I didn't know which hurt more: losing her or the car. That damed Rudy would get his someday, I told myself. He owed me a family side dish. They dro

ve my convertible Saab into the front yard pond, on top of it all. There, by what was now part vehicle and part pond, I sat down to plan my revenge on that damed Rudy.