Finished Folds (401—420)
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0and I was thrilled… Before marriage my wife found my odd fetishes cute, but now after 10 years she's grown weary of playing along, which suits me fine, for she is truly not amused.
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4I tossed the soggy tissue onto the growing mound, rolled over and went to sleep. The next day, that mysterious, judgmental entity finally got around to punishing me. To start with
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5He was standing right behind me, smelling my hair. "Try some ketamine. Relieves chronic pain, treatment resistant depression & makes your brain grow new connections. It's a trip."
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4with a haldol injection. Slowly the appliances stopped copulating. "You've ruined my appliance breeding experiments!" wailed David, still slightly delusional. Nicole said, "Sexual
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6"of course." Greet moved in immediately, bringing her wardrobe of burlap sacks and a rusty old ladle. Together we applied a fresh coat of mud to my hut. "Groot, I have never been
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6But the fundamental force of the universe swayed my thoughts to cute puppy videos for awhile, and then it was time for a smoke break. I ruminated over the task at hand far too long
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6My paintings are ugly. They are flex your muscles in a bodybuilder pose & go "RAAAR" ugly. The colors of death, decay & excrement dominate, & the subject matter is often described
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3Using a banana, George tried to demonstrate the behaviors he would not tolerate from The Man in the Yellow hat. Holding the banana behind him and pointing it at his rear end, he
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5But the Chevy wasn't evil enough. He wanted it to be so evil it would suck in light & happiness from miles around as it drew small animals to be crushed under its roaring wheels.
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5e a hit. So when the raunchy bump and grind music began, she stripped off her robes and danced lasciviously with the baby Jesus. The 3 wise men's actions were too lewd to describe.
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9The message turned my spine to ice. What could "tonight" mean? What was this mysterious, cold hearted woman planning? To be on the safe side, I bought a shotgun, wine and cheese.
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6"That's very good, Timmy," said Ms. Pat, "but why'd you say they all died?" "The Freudian death instinct. I'm compelled to symbolically repeat the trauma of my goldfish's death."
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10I didn't hear her answer. I had touched her bare shoulder! 3 times! Tap tap tap. My fingertip tingled. Debbie was saying something about dancing but it didn't register. I reached
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5battle of Hastings as depicted in the Bayeux Tapestry. SantaMonkey was buried at Westminster Abbey. His body was exhumed, beheaded & thrown into a fen, like the other King Harold.
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3mimic life in stylized, repetitive interactions with themselves and their icy, high pressure environment. Brief captions below the Family Circle window represent their speech.
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10I'm ungrateful." Scrooge leaned in close. "You know, my relatives stuff birds like you." The Turkey Carcass of Thanksgiving Past trembled, dripping juices. "Those BASTARDS! Let's
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10--" "Hold on a sec. By putting those quotes around 'take off your underpants' do you mean not literally take off your underpants, but 'take off your underpants' nudge nudge?"
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7"You can sort it out." "Alright, alright. But this isn't very funny." "Well then wrap him in a sheet & have him act like a ghost." "Eh. Say something funny, kid." "I have to pee."
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3She adored ponderous German marching music, and it showed in her teaching of waltzes. "Back straight! Shoulders back!" she shouted, whacking Josiah with a riding crop. "ONE! 2 3"
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4Do we all know what those quotation marks mean, or do I have to spell it out? Good. I'll remove them. Incongruous Custard followed you to the door. "Please don't go, please!"