0 Folds
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5
turning to the Dark side ironically. My culture of punching babies and laughing at sick puppies has been co-opted by a bunch of spoiled upper-middle class hipsters. -
2
Capri Sun pouch. "Thanks for opening that for me!" Duncan said to Rutger. The astronauts reconciled their differences and gave each other a hug. Hugs in space feel extra fuzzy.
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2
a crap invention, so I decided to eat the brain. But you can't eat brains without glazing them in honey, everyone knows that. And I was determined to find the rarest of all honeys.
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6
teabagged Kevin's soul. But the incident gave him superpowers! From that day forth Kevin would be known as Divine Pube Man, leaving villians with a taste of hair in their mouths.
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3
But on one of Bigg Dogg's walks, his Yorkie fell into a river and was swept away. The current swept her away faster than he could run, so he quickly made a raft.
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2
approach a stranger on the street and ask talk with them for at least 5 minutes. That way you can get used to human contact again."
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2
made a tiny fist with two of his fingers, punching a haphazard glory hole through the stall. In response to the stall-knocker's forwardness, he stuck his foot underneath and tapped
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3
the man she had a crush on. Embarrassed, she started crying. Luckily he was an emetophiliac. The moment her stomach acids landed on his face he fell in love. With vomit dripping
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0
in an effort to cause a self-induced brain injury that would make him forget the tragedy. Blood trickled down his forehead as his fists continued pounding. Soon he passed out and
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1
I gave a sigh, sad that THIS was what I became famous for. I got on my knees and started pulling open his robe. "No, no, no", he said. "You misunderstand, I want you to
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5
the voices came from different directions as soon as he got close. Craig became frustrated thinking about the fun things he could do with beautiful women and a field full of corn.
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1
towards the ground. She knew her only hope of survival was to float to the nearest house belonging to a workaholic Englishman who doesn't spend enough time with his kids.
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2
she kept a secret stash of the money inside her surgically augmented bubbly buttox. Everyone knew ass dollars were extremely valuable in these tough economic times, so
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3
a group of rival cannibalistic disk jockeys ambushed her! She used her record scratching skills to burn the nipple off the nearest attacker, but the fight
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4
pulled out her 12 gauge shotgun with one hand and a katana with the other. No one was taking her baby without a fight.
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1
evil waste of space ruin my life so completely? Contemplating my next move, I notice a fly land on my pancake. I ready my knife for a quick strike, but
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0
if Bill, my coworker and arch-nemesis, came up with a better marketing strategy that me. I need a greatidea... Of course! All I have to do is