1 Folds
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The fundie sneered at him. "I may be a jerk, but I'm a Jerk for Jesus, and without jerks like us, you'll all burn in Hell for eternity!" Dusting himself off, he stood back up -
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nything that doesn't involve getting eaten by witches?" "But children, " Story Lady said slowly, "this story will teach you to be good little boys and girls." She continued reading
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assumption. Have you boys read 1984? You really have the prison interrogation thing down pat. Could you at least stop with the light in my face?" They didn't say anything
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ed straight toward the sunset. Of course, after about 30 minutes, I realized the I had not, in fact gone toward a setting sun, but a rising sun, having followed my new iPhone map
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"I'm sorry sir," the pizza guy said, "We can do the mozzarella for the extra-large special, but selenium tetrasulfinomide costs an extra two dollars." Curse you, Pizza Hut.
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The Church of the Hipster was well-built and attractive - a genuinely peaceful manor, built in the manner of early 21st Century coffee stores. Not a place for a terrorist like me
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"Wait - we get random glitches on the sonar display? How do we know when we've actually found something?" Judith shrugged. "Use your intuition. Guess. Pray. Just make sure
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And this completely puzzled me: I could understand a comedian snake on a plane, but a newborn elk? Elks aren't even funny. They're like lions and eagles - old men name clubs after
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cago! (Now there's a film I wish they would have let me make! All those chicks in fishnets. Except Queen Latfah. I wouldn't have cast her. She gives me heartburn.) Yeah, Kill Bill
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Then again, I wasn't always a model of maturity myself. I mean, whenever I hung out with Dylan, I always tried to wear my "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt. He never got it.
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She wouldn't shut up. She always got like this when she was at that point in her cycle, but this time I didn't want to hear about the bloating and the laxatives. It was time to
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and waited to see her reaction. At first, she looked confused, but after a few deep breaths, she snarled, "I smell Los Angeles. From the 1970s!" The exhaust should have killed her
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There was no point. Everyone in the store knew that security wouldn't do anything about fruit-throwing cavemen. They didn't do anything last time. She shrugged and went back to her
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How the alien managed to keep the blood pooling around his head as he approached, Benny would never know. "So I'm a Starfighter now?" Benny asked, extending his hand to the alien.
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fat nor nice. Come to think of it, she didn't have a marketable skill either. She was a typical Southern California blonde, only she had a penchant for wearing black. "Fashion is
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She glared at him. "It's not nice to make fun of their language. You Americans are so offensive sometimes." He smiled to himself. He thought it was funny. Foreigners like her just
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"Now see here, alleged victim - we'll have none of that at this hour! Joe! We've got another bleeder in the foyer! Bring the bucket and the bleach. And why, exactly, are you here?"
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At this point, I was exasperated. "Mojomaster, I CAN learn a proper pelvic thrust! I just need more time. And a couple of aspirin. Last night's festivities have only slowed my mojo
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"Please, " I muttered. "Are those my only choices? Failing a riddle or eternity in hell? I thought you angels were supposed to guide mankind into doing the right thing, not just
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"Great, " Anne would say to herself, "not only can the plant in my garden think for themselves, they're all growing up to mock the horrible tragedies of my love life! I just wish