Finished Folds (41—60)
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15Have you ever noticed that "Arkansas" is just "Kansas" with an "Ar" in front of it?
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2"I told you not to give the cat anymore LSD!", I yelled to my "enlightened" brother sitting on the porch swing. I watched as Mittens twisted and turned and tripped absolute balls
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9I sighed at that, "Yeah, but you're no Crystal Pepsi". I choked back a tear and guzzled down the diet coke right there in the store. Why were all the groceries able to talk all of
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4Would I wear in a holster? Would I keep it concealed? Would I put it on the table every time that I'm misdealed? Would I rob a liquor store to get some money for the rent? Welfare
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7made me more anxious about the explosive collar strapped around my neck. If the bass player got a little bit too funky, the whole house would be flattened. I stepped out of my car
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1Not even him. Once he got off the redeye in Colorado, he took the bus as far as he could and then hiked the rest of the way to a remote cliffside, where he proceeded to smash rocks
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2. It was at times like these, where I considered that, as the driver, and as a suicidal sociopath, I could just take me and all of my passengers out with one flick of the wheel
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4, literally. The second you took a bite out of one of the baked bads your immortal soul was run through the industrial sized shredder in Ted's office up on the third floor. Damn.
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2That was the last straw. The last thing you want to do is humiliate a man with a gun. That night, I snuck into Sarge's office, M14 in hand, and crouched in the shadows, waiting for
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3"If you keep making faces like that, your face is going to get stuck you know", the Tamer retorted. He glanced at his watch, dreading going to work. Honestly, he'd never really
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9shelves of mom and pop health food stores across the country. "Makes you smarter, handsome, and a good writer!", the Protein Water's label claimed, but in reality it only ever
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3of facial flesh Captain Hook had managed to blow off of his own face with this suicide attempt. "Oh dear..." Smee said, in his usual slow, dopey voice as he began to pick up the
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3looking up at me with his one red shoe, "Dance with me". So I did, I turned my back to my cosmic home and faced the child, promptly absorbing his life energy in our marital dance.
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2in the midday sun. He'd only recently started shaving his head again; something he could only do once he moved out of his mother's house to avoid her overbearing scrutiny. "You're
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3find out, on today's episode of MYTHBUSTERS!"
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5You and me are in a lot of trouble, and somebody's gonna burst our bubble. Your husband, my wife. My marriage, your life. So we went to Maine out on the east coast that very night
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4"Jesus christ". I tried my best to read the pleading text message I'd found on victim's cellphone but I couldn't make anything out other than "it hurts" repeated some fifty times
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4dug her cherry red painted fingernails into the woman's face. "Listen here, you. I refuse to take snacking advice from a tiny, red CGI cow any longer, no matter how good the cheese
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4. I'd be damned if I was going to let those clowns into my club without a fight. I'd stationed several heavily-armed guards in anti-clown riot gear around the entrances to deter
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8something, I tell ya. Vermilion hair the color of the setting sun and skin so pale almost shone blue. She really floored me. I knew that I had to pull out my charm if I wanted any