11 Folds
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Father Joe shook his head in disappointment. He knew that the gay marriage thing would lead to new issues in the church, but having Squawkers the Parrot as his new deacon may be -
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kept extolling the virtues of the icy-blue ice cream. He took a bit and immediately felt some stirring "down below." OMG, he looked carefully & saw it was Viagra-flavored ice
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for the boss' wife, a calculator for the statistics ninja, and a hamburger for the IT assistant. Yes, the Office Unicorn was definitely going to be missed but the office knew that
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I rushed Teddy Ruxpin and ripped out the cassette tape, and replaced it with Justin Beiber's latest. Teddy immediately slumped in the corner and started snorting coke. Thank god.
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col for the "morning after." I was freaked out to realize that I in fact had not had sex with a walrus, but in fact had slept with the nasty creepy dude from IT. OMG, the humanity!
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marrying me because he was terrified to let me actually see him naked since he has the world's smallest boyhood, err, manhood. However, I would do anything to get that load of c
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Scooby Do where we would eat green eggs and ham at the rehearsal dinner. It wasn't until 10 years later when I came of age that I learned that men in neckerchiefs are usually gay.
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to tell Doug's wife about Roger. Yes! Then she would murder Doug and Roger would be mine forever!!! I called my sky-writing friend immediately to have him get up in the air and
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But choosing cookies over pepperoni pizza just shows that beavers have great taste, at least in food. Do NOT let them decorate for you though. Every recommendation is log-based
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il the weird dude from IT came walking in. "Hi Mr. Josh. Is that shrimp sandwich from Gerry's? That place was once a morgue, but now a sandwich shop. Cool, huh? I know lots."
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end when you let Mango get into the 5 year old fruit cake that my dog likes to lick every morning. Dog saliva plus fruit cake apparently is a hallucinogen that makes people think
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blood test that you know you will get an "O" negative score on no matter how much you study, because you know your veins will shrink and will be hard to find.
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s grabbed my bags and tossed them in the truck. He then turned to me in a high squeaky voice and said, "I guess this is what a major in English gets me. Come on, get in the cab."
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ncle Louie come to our party now?! You know his rabid parrot will only eat tapioca pudding from football helmets. Fuck, there goes another family Thanksgiving dinner. May as wel
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Red Robin, but I no spell good), 6. Shake the hand of every NCAA mascot in a single season 7. Eat 20 Lego heads before needing to leave a stool sample with my doctor 8. call into a
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But luckily I was kinda a deformed gingerbread man, so I switched my running pattern to use my third leg. I got away, but now I have to sleep with frozen peas on my crotch.
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is known far and wide as "The Penta-Goon" due to his spine being broken into five places due to the hamburger lifting accident. Billybob tried to use his fame on a reality show in
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flag. Those lumberjanes had hairy legs than my dog, and had about as great of smelling breath. I guess it explains why all the Subarus and Volvos has multiple air freshners hang
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I packed my favorite furry costume, Droopy Dog, and a pair of XXXXL nylons. I was so excited about FINALLY being able to fulfill my dream while in Japan that I couldn't zip my pan
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except when you need someone to give you tips on how to best smuggle monkeys from exotic regions of the world. For some reasons, brothers always know how to smuggle things in