2 Folds
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is a proud member of Dads Against Dew Addiction (DADADD). He goes to public schools to discourage kids from drinking Dew. "It'll hurt your little swimmies, boys," he'll warn. -
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Just as he took his last bite, a group of young children chided him. "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" The ensuing embarrassment and shame broke the poor rabbit. He sold all his
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I found the photo of Grandma wearing the cap, but it was gone, as if someone had badly photoshopped it off her head. But photoshop hadn't been invented yet! The cap suddenly flew
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hungry eyes. Licking her lips, she salted Alfons's duck-meat tumor and sawed away with her knife. For her, it was delicious. For Alfons, excruciating, and for science, momentous.
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ouse, grabbing several bricks from its cocaine exterior. I could never trust anyone again! Selling the coke, I bought 41 pounds of gold, a bunker, guns and hamburger helper to last
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. His next movie idea was "Tequila and the Bee" about a spelling bee/drinking game. I yelled over the engine that his idea was "novel and genius". Charmed, he stopped the car.
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cut off her internet access anyway. Ma Bell had a plan, though. She used Sloppy Joe's magic feet as antennae to the internet, wiggling his toes until she could finally browse her
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But it was too late. Bob had already gone #3 (1+2) right in the mayonnaise curry, which digested & re-incorporated the waste, so the dish was served anyway and got 2 thumbs up from
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Saki was so enraged by his wife that he failed to notice the sushi ghosts swarming him and feeding from his life force, until it was too late. Now dead, Saki was in a better
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built the world's first self-driving skateboard, riding it away from the crime scene pridefully. She made it three blocks before crashing into a popsicle stand, cooling her pride.
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about the Arby's on S. Penguin St. in Covington, West Virginia. But the Arby's Sauce tasted more sour that day when that blonde bombshell of a cashier rejected me. Yet I would win
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. It all began three weeks ago. Lizard-man was smitten by the farmer's daughter who was riding a big green tractor down a dirt road drinking ice cold beer. And she was smitten back
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Henry remembered that scene from Spaceballs and typed "12345" into the keypad. The screen flashed green. "AUTHORIZED." To Henry's immense satisfaction, the death laser fired,
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the shopkeeper who just sold me 6.66 lbs of salt and drove to the nearest haunted house. The rusty gates, then the creaky door swung open as I marched inside. As I spread the salt
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flabby armpits. The polar bear bounded gracefully across the Arctic landscape, free from their Eskimo assailants. They built an igloo for shelter and passed the time playing jacks
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aliens that write with their excrement. They attempted to send peace treaties to the world leaders of Earth but the piles of poo were not interpreted as such. Noses wrinkled,
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When it comes to a pressing academic situation like this, I do what I do best: get in a group with the smart kids. They did all the work and I got all Dr. Sardonicus's praise.
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It's completely hosed now, I thought. I took the motherboard out of my fried computer and used it as a hockey puck to get my 13 y.o. hacker son interested in sports. It had limited
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g. After all, they weren't just any old magic slippers. They gave the gift of teleportation! But there was one catch. They only worked from inside a Taco Bell and could only transp
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in meditation and fled to the mountains to live her life of solitude. Durga sent vibes of loving-kindness to her beloved Windy City, which was currently embattled by punk sportsmen