Finished Folds (21—40)
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2"I'VE HAD IT" God said. No longer would He suffer another cheesy, faux-intellectual quote on his Myspace page. He snapped His wrinkly fingers meaning to obliterate all language but
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5wasn't hit by a taco truck immediately after, my nacho-epiphany might've made a difference. Doesn't that just pico your gallo? Anyways, now I'm enlightened. And dead. Also dead is
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5Dianne smirked. "Throw in $100,000 in hush money and a box of chocolates and you've got yourself a deal." The whole dating/blackmailing thing worked out swimmingly, until he
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4"Gee whiz, technology these days!" Olga chortled, tossing a Satanic Sally doll into her cart. That night, the doll awoke. Sally began her reign of terror by slaughtering
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4his psychiatrist to burn down his childhood home. "You can do it!" they all said (in his head), "Encouragement!" To spite his pyrophobia, the man grabbed a book of matches and
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3"WHY NOW?" I screamed, preoccupied with timing of it all. A passing gaggle of kids snickered as the finger dragged me down cobblestone streets. The finger politely replied "Because
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1I would stay and make a home out of this infernal planet. Besides, I needed a place to release these ten thousand clones, and I was running out of options. The first ten years were
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2and unconditional gnomes excrete blue chicken mind games!" The high school commencement was dead silent. Mr. P ran for the podium. "Woah did I just say that? What I m- ALL HAIL THE
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4malady such as that was blasphemy! The scientists convinced themselves Dr. Miranda was a science-witch and would not suffer her to live. Armed with Bunsen burners and test tubes of
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7ice all but abandoned the search for girl. As for me, it became an obsession. In late July, I seduced the girl's father, hoping to elicit a confession. Instead, I got
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4"Well I never!" pearl clutcher Iris Wu shrieked, gaping at the orgy. But honestly, the good people of Whitehaven would gasp themselves * if they knew what Iris got herself into in
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10one small lizard boy remained: Leif. Fun fact: few lizardfolk like accordion music but Lief was not like most iguanaboys. Leif made Rupert play 6 encores. Afterwards, Leif clawed
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3of justice rang the day the injured lawyer won. "I hope you'll think twice next time before seducing me with your eye sex & forcing me to hurt my ankle" he said to Alice. Death was
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7"What is this?!" She shoved the pink belt in Jim's gorgeous face like an actor on a cop show. "Who've you been shtuping in our garden?" "It's not like that!" Jim said "That belt is
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2a man with a fork in his chest who didn't truly "get" how similes worked. In a feat of godly strength, he lifted me up & swallowed me whole. Strangely, I didn't die. I lived on in
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6the joy of watching pinko rebels gunned down by firing squad. Col. Buenasnoches thought of the irony as he stared down 9 rebel-issued rifles. "Wait!" he said "I have information on
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3fresh horse excrement. "I've never heard worse advice!" Maggie cried at the voice in her head. "Geez Louise" the voice said, sobbing. "I'm just trying to help." Maggie wouldn't let
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5thought "If I ever break outta this joint & get knocked up, that's what I'll name my 500 sons" Sister Mary Tarantula sighed. Spiderlings poured into the classroom from recess. "Qu
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2To whom it may concern STOP My name is Sam, I work at the telegraph factory STOP The telegraphs have become sentient STOP Send help STOP also Diet Coke STOP Just don't
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2No not to Steven! He'll just... Well great, now the lute is broken... just toss it in that pile of broken lutes... Does my forehead look like a pile of broken to you?! That's it! I