7 Folds
-
3
hidden in his pocket. There was no turning back now. His girlfriend was going to be so mad at him. If he lost his job, he wouldn't be able to take her to the zoo this weekend. -
6
where he was forced to read mean tweets about himself. "He looks like a scum drinking grandpa hunter." My god, how did they know? And now all grandpas would be on the look out.
-
3
I don't know what to say to my girlfriend anymore. "Do you still love me?" she asks. I love as much as I know how to love a vapid, bitch, I suppose. But I give a different reply.
-
2
all those damn penguins fault! A lot of people think they're only at the south pole but they come up to the south part of Argentina sometimes and that's when he'd get them!
-
2
blueberry muffins. Which is better than smelling bad, I suppose. But what I really couldn't understand was why anyone would serve beer at a funeral? I always just bring my own.
-
1
"Listen, here is a list of things you can slap. You can slap butts. You can slap--" Suddenly they heard a loud noise. By god, it was a slap! It was coming from inside the house!!
-
2
I decided to get some McDonald's and sleep on it. And of course it ended up going badly, so I did what I had to do. I enrolled him in piano lessons. God he hated that instrument.
-
1
He didn't get out of the house often and didn't understand the vernacular of young, normal people, especially women. At least he left and wouldn't be further interrupting vacay.
-
3
In the moonlight blood is no longer scarlet, pretending to be beautiful. It is as black as an abyss.
-
0
were so proud of those strong mature legs. Now they were up to nearly 5 miles a day. "Is that the best you've got?!" Coach yelled. Water began leaking from their eye sockets.
-
4
"I have a magical task for you friend!" Mr. Toad couldn't believe his warty ears. "I thought sofas couldn't talk." "Excuse me, but the accepted vernacular is COUCH!" Said the
-
3
Twenty minutes. That's how long I have left until I find out the truth. Am I really made up of mostly water like most humans are or am I really just a bag of cockatoos? Either way
-
4
"Ik ben een bannan!" "No you aren't. You are not a banana." This is the conversation I overheard at the airport and this is why I decided to learn Dutch.
-
2
rip one of you off, put a red high heel on your foot and stab Esmeralda in the eye! She will thank you in the end.
-
3
"Well, what's the verdict? Is there life beyond or all we just voices in your head?" Steve laughed at Laura as she dusted off the old artifact she just pulled from the ground...
-
1
"He got it from BREAD and it like, ate his face!" "Oh shut up, your stories never make any sense." She felt terrible as her friend scolded her but she kept staring at the bread...
-
4
"Do you hear the voice in the flames?" "No, that's just the wood popping and cracking." "No, it's talking I just can't understand the language yet." The President had lost...
-
11
Did you know sunflowers used to be able to walk? But people kept killing them for sport so eventually they just stopped. And now they are rooted to the ground like regular
-
4
the way a bird swims, not very well. But he was my friend and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. The truth is, he was a very wise fish and I often asked his opinion on things.
-
3
never could pick a decent wine." I said. He looked at his shoes again but I knew he was thinking about her. "Feeling sorry for yourself won't do any good." I said and then he