Finished Folds (41—60)
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2"No, Mr. Scarn, I expect you to die," said the evil Dr. Opernoff, who's luscious body descended into view. He wore nothing, save for a red
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4released their newest animated feature, Dracula. Van Helsing, in this version, has thick square glasses and only listened to obscure music genres, while Dracula carried around a
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3the tiny, tiny marathon sprinters came round the nose, dipping into the nasal-labial trough on their way through. Suddenly a snore erupted, and the tiny men
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1sucked horribly, but would improve with time and practice. Why, my old instructor had said, in a few years, you just may be mediocre. I shook my head, deciding to remain a crook.
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1that the true spirit of Goth was inside him all along. He didn't need the mascara, the black leather or the spiked collar. Why did he need these outer trappings, if his heart was
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1Not because I ended up having any sex, mind you, but because of the crotch-height flamethrowers that were strategically placed around every street corner. "What in the world are
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4an abomination before God and man. So I gathered up all the angry peasants I could find (three) and we burned down the record store. The fire spread to
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4This principle is known as the Jim Ransom Exponent, named after Dr. Ransom, who after publishing his paper on the subject, became the most powerful person in evolutionary science.
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5like a dog returning to its vomit. My sister ended up getting the bullet, and slumped over onto the table. "Whoops!" I said, shrugging and laughing with Grandma. Those days were
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3It took several hours, but he got his keys back, and also several internal lacerations. He had just enough blood to drive himself to the hospital. They treated him for sepsis, but
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4It was a mistake, I knew, to buy the grape soda. It never sat well in my stomach. Also, I won the contest prize in the fourth can, which summoned Beelzebub to my living room.
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5Perhaps he would have saved Sparky, and not left him in locked in the room filled with his oily rag collection. Perhaps he wouldn't have ordered the convex windows. He recalled
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4Ritzy Rico's Clamp Stamp, a rather oddly named gentlemen's club. He'd always order the buffalo wings and show off the golden hooks to his buddies. He suspected they were
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3I had no recourse, so I took matters into my own hands and cleaved her skull open with my hatchet, a trusty tool I named Samantha. I went to my next class, but the teacher
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5eating nothing but this bland oatmeal. I'm not even sure they were real oats, but what could I do? They had my cereal number. Bowl after bowl piled up, becoming an awful cementy
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1strip the place bare, loading everything of value onto his truck and taking off down the highway. He pawned everything in pieces on his way so not to attract suspicion, but as he
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1They were soon purchased and distributed around the world. All over this mighty country were new bounties of cheap, dependable, not-box-like furniture. The world was at peace.
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1. . . they were maple flavored, the dragon said. You couldn't hear him, of course, as you were dead. One just doesn't put himself back together after
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2The silence continued, for hours. We were like statues. Lush, beautiful statues, with huge gloves. Gloves and alcohol. And peppermint candy. I had the last one.
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2when he suddenly realized that these weren't his at all. Somewhere along the line he'd gotten lost in a different set of hairs altogether. He could tell because these were red.