My lesbian mums...

You don't want tacos in your sound hole.

oh contraire my friend, I happen to love tacos. In fact back in 2002 I won a competition by eating more tacos then a polar bear in 15 minutes. Man vs Beast never aired it due to

the exploitation of polar bears. I didn't see what the big deal, its not like they were making gap clothes in a sweat shop, they were just having a taco eating competition. I love

making money from polar bear jerseys and not giving them a cut of the profits because they're "amateurs". It's tradition. Every Saturday, polar bears eat fish tacos and I get rich

by looking rich. I borrowed about 100K from my uncle and cut a commercial with bikini'd chicks on my arms, a private jet in the back drop, big chunky gold chains, and a huge

2 carat cubic zirconia imbedded on my front tooth, the one I had left. I looked rich, cheap & easy in that commercial...ended up selling 200 million pairs of fuzzy dice on QVC.

But it wasn't enough -- why 200 million when another 3 billion were hankering? I called in our fixer, Frank Luntz, who had gained nearly three tons since I last spoke with him.

"Jesus, Frank," I busted out laughing. What are you...like...six thousand pounds?" "Actually, I weigh six thousand and twelve pounds. But who's counting?" "Obviously you are

never going to bring your family honor! How can a gargantuan knight like you even fight?!" "You'd be surprised..." The fat man came in like a wrecking ball and destroyed all foes.