Every girl loves a bad boy. Until they realise

Every girl loves a bad boy. Until they realise they're cereal killers. I hugged my cornflakes to my chest with the protective instinct of a mother eagle. 'He hates cornflakes' I

sobbed. All he wants in eggs. Fried eggs, poached eggs, scrambled eggs, even 'over easy' eggs! How disgusting! All mother eagles feel

proud of their eagle children. I mean, who wouldn't feel proud that your son wrote the hit song, "Desperado?" Don needed his mom to cook a breakfast to soak up the tequila

he downed the night before, while working on his next big hit song. His mom's hot cakes on the griddle made Don's mouth water. She squawked, "Come on son. It's time for

wrong way, but your mother & I feel we now must tell you." His dad breathed heavily through his helmet. "I am not your father. Your name is not Luke. It is Leroy. Your father is

- your father is..." He paused to take a bite of the tuna casserole & motioned for Leroy (not Luke) to wait. "Sorry, I skipped dinner." Darth was sheepish. "Anyway, your father is

bad. Bad Leroy Brown, Sr. Baddest man in the whole damn town. Badder than old King Kong. Meaner than a junkyard dog." Leroy Jr. asked Darth, "Then who's my mother?" "Florence

Nightingale, Lady of the Lamp. Your father met her on the ward at Scutari after a dodgy kebab. That's where you were conceived." "I'm Turkish?" said Leroy Jr. "U-hu," Darth Vader s

ighed. "Where in space is Turkey?" Leroy Jr. asked Vader smartly. Vader just let out yet another staticy sigh and told him to go back to sleep. He offed the black room's lights.