"Cindy, you're not eating your fruits and

"Cindy, you're not eating your fruits and veggies." Despite the house-cams, Cindy said: "That's right, Mom. Because I don't want to become a pod person like you and Dad." Her Mo

ngolian pen friend had sent a package with gifts and 6 new letters to read. Cindy excitedly ran up the stairs with the package to her bedroom and ripped the brown paper parcel open

. It was the usual Mongolian stuff: smoked horse anuses, plant holders made from congealed horse milk and... what was this? A dried eyeball set in a gold locket. Cindy put it over

her neck while munching on a smoked horse anus. Suddenly she felt compelled to utter "Mən hisə verilmiş at göt am", and, in a flash of light and a roar of thunder, she became

A great Pastry Walrus. He could make a croissant with one flipper and a petit four with his other. But his wife was gluten intolerant. The only thing they had in common was sex.

This was because his wife was actually a man. Heshe shaved hisher face 4 times a day and spoke in falsetto. Heshe was the manliest thing Pastry Walrus was into. Pastries and breads

, pasties and heads... What did it matter? If two consenting walruses want to marry, have children, shave together, what business is it of ours? Pastry Walrus rubbed his whiskery

fiancé reassuringly. "You are the jelly in my jelly donut," he would say. Pastry Walrus did not have a way with words, but Poetry Walrus loved him all the same. "You may

butter my scones any day." "Okay, now that's just getting weird." "Poetry /is/ the art of seduction."