I wasn't done grieving for my father when

funeral along with the twins in the accident, all my grandparents died at the funeral, my boss & coworkers in the explosion, girlfriend went missing, friends, neighbors all dead.

Through this twist of fate, I finally found myself FREE! Elated at the opportunity of starting my life over again, I decided the first thing I needed to do was choose a new name.

After considerable thought, I finally settled on Dick Gaylord. A manly-sounding name if there every was one. Next I needed a job. I'd have to invent a resume. I wanted to go into

reconditioning air-conditioning units pronto. However my 'puter autocorrected my new name to Dick, Lord of the Gays & when I got my new job I just had to go with it. I bought a

lottery scratcher ticket and won another ticket. With that ticket I won 5 dollars. I bought five more scratchers, the first 4 were losers, but that last ticket was also a loser.

But on the back of the loser ticket was an offer to win a free chance at a lottery for a LED lit fiber optic toothbrush. I bought three boxes of Crogmagnon Crunchies & sent them to

Hell to have it ready for me. I took the stage flashing my pearly whites to an unsuspecting audience. My smile couldn't have been any bigger. I signaled my henchman and here we are

are you going to let us in or what? "Wait, wut? You were up on stage and suddenly you are here at my door, on my lawn with all your -- hey is that henchman pissing on my gardenias?

How did he know I had a garden when Mr. Herring snuck out there and sang "Gardening at Night" with Michael Stipe when Mr.Herring and him planted the gardenias. It was a Full Moon!