The buzzer rang. A man wearing odd headgear

The buzzer rang. A man wearing odd headgear with multiple zoom lenses stood at the door. "Hi there. You've won a free mapping of your residence for google@home." "Wow, great!"

The swingers party was a roaring success and when the man from google@home came to map the residence everyone celebrated with an orgy. The room under the stairs was framed with

wood reclaimed from a sunken Spanish galleon. The google@home guy -- whose name, coincidentally, was google@home -- was impressed by the architectural flourish. "Ya know, before I

shrug my shoulders and slap my forehead and say awe shucks and act in an ill-fated manner full of nonsense and poppy cock, I would like to intercede on these events and left up

to me, I would castle and force a queen sacrifice. But that's just me, you fellars know how to shoe a horse. Lookie thar! I see checkmates in three moves, God-willin'.

Her mellifluous sobbing has attracted a handsome Paladin to investigate. He is Sir Soros of Gommorah. He has come to offer Queen Hillary the gold to make Camelot great again.

But if one carries that much gold on one's person, one is bound to get robbed by trolls and other

unwelcome guests. So now that my person had been unburdened of the heavy gold by trolls, I decided to let it run free in the pasturelands. I watched as it galloped away on its bare

heiney, little ripples of fat mimicking the lines of the rolling pastures. "TTFN!" I called as my person disappeared in the distance. I suddenly felt quite melancholy.