Eluded by yet another year, he reflects on

-top the burning coals? His resolution to be spontaneous seemed much more desirable in the planning stages. He removed a shoe and poked a coal with his pinky toe. "Yeeouch!!" Smoke

He thought: Why can't I show off with my sneakers on? He rubbed his toe, put his sneakers on and pretended his toe didn't hurt. Humphrey Bogart wouldn't have looked any tougher.

They were his tuned sneaks with LED lighting & side mounted woofers. He cupped his hands & did a human beat box & began moon walking through the Walgreens . His toe still hurt but

his feet flet like hands. That is, until he moonwalked out the door into the turdmobile. There was a deafening roar (like in a silo) as the menure spontaneously dumped on him. Buck

-ets of fertilizer and road apples toppled into his car. His girlfriend's face said it all, "You did this to yourself." Where was his? Why was he always losing? When would he

pull over to use the bathroom? His & his girlfriend's problems were only beginning: After a 4k-mile drive it turned out they confused leprechauns with LeperCon, just as it sounds.

Boils erupted on their bodies, yellow pus ran down their legs. He & his girlfriend knew their fate. LeperCon was it. The situation became tenuous when they wrecked into corn field

and tried to find shade from the sweltering heat of the midday sun. He frantically tore a piece of cloth from her blouse to use as a bandage to cover the gaping gouges on her arms

but this revealed the fatal case of ringworm on her tummy. "It's OK," she croaked,"I knew the fungi'd get me in the end." Then she croaked for real.