Never mind it was on my forehead, I took

Never mind it was on my forehead, I took a deep breath. Coffee! Lime! Vanilla! Autumn Leaves! Mint! Rain! Roast Chestnuts! Money! Pa's pig farm! My GFs laundry! Gertrude Jekyll!

"Yo, don't guess what's on your card until I give you hints," said Party Guest 5. "Hint 1: It might be bad at driving." "Coffee! Lime! Vanilla!" "Hint 2: It can talk." "...Coffee!"

"Hint 3: It's not coffee." "...Coffee!" "The answer is 'iguanadon' you drunken morons!". Next, Party Guest 6 drew a picture of 2 boobs. "Is it boobs?" "No" "Ummm.. woman?" "No"

"Is it tea?" No. "Coffee?" "No, thank you." "Gah! Could you at least give me a hint?" "Yes. . . It's not a beverage." "Wait. It's your mom, right?" Party Guest 6 's eyes widened,

"It IS your mom!" Party Guest 6 became overly excited & jumped around, knocking over lamps & things when I led my mom out. "This is the best party favor ever!" He hugged her and

checkers! It's nothing but an ivory-carved chess set! What game are trying to play with me?" She suddenly pulled a black hood over her head & silently indicated that I should sit

on an upside-down stool & spin. I declined, sneered, took off my shirt, & pulled up a chair. I sniffed a pit & said "All right missy, chess it is." I opened with the Latvian gambit

& smiled smugly, taking her queen. "Now you," I said. She raised an eyebrow as I inspected my pit again. "Just because you take off your shirt does NOT make this strip chess, bud."

"Of course not," I agreed as she again made a foolish move. "I simply did it to distract you. My strategy apparently worked. Check mate, my dear." I flexed my pecs proudly.