The dog sat in the cage. Dogs were barking

The dog sat in the cage. Dogs were barking and whining. He noticed that a dog shaking in the corner of his cage. This car trip was supposed to be fun. The teary family left him.

It was best to just do it quickly, get it over with. He told them he loved them, that he'd be back soon. Then he turned his back, boarded, and requested a double scotch.

But he was not a man who could hold his liqueur. He stared glassy-eyed at the new recruits, and gargled an ultimatum: "whoever took my chia pet, return it or face the wrath of

the Grout Bully!" Sarge was an As Seen On TV nut. He'd served with Willie Mays in Panama as window washers. He loved his chia pet. Unless it turned up, he would force the troops

to wear Pajama Jeans™ and replace all their dishes with Bacon Bowls™. The troops turned on each other & at 18:00, Sarge found a note on his Chillow™ that he would find his Chia Pet

which was shaped like Elmer Fudd, mowed down with a Garden Groom, while wearing Zoomies. "Then I'm going to drench your Topsy Turvy tomatoes with my purple Pocket Hose!"

I just about lost it then. He was making no sense at all, speaking in euphemisms like this. "I got your Pocket Hose right HERE, buddy!" I screamed as I whipped out my

trusty secluded garden watering tool. He took my challenge and dropped his pants *Behold my tadpole launching miniperiscope!" All eyes in the bar turned to see

his small, but marvelous equipment."Ooh, Ahh" the crowd murmured their approval, observing closely as he submerged himself into the murky water. Then with a gurgle, he disappeared.