Politicians around the world proposed to

Politicians around the world proposed to build giant refrigerators that would blast cold air into the atmosphere however they were to be powered by coal power plants. Global warmin

g could be solved so easily if only we got smart about it. For instance, we could pump up ultra deep ocean water that everyone knows is very cold and spray it into the sky. Or take

a giant space-magnet and pull an approaching large asteroid into Earth, leading to an impact winter, raved the scientist. So what if it didn't work out so well for the dinosaurs?

Our scientists are brighter and more contemporary than those beasts of burden. If it didn't work for them, it will work for us! A magnet, an astroid, and human pride equaled disa

mingly charming soul crushing human progress. And then I ate a twinkie. All my vim and vigor about space flight and blah blah went out the window.

Then I ate another Twinkie and life was grand, another and I got a distinctly pleasurable buzzing sensation in my head. I looked at the package. These Twinkies were 19 years old.

19 is a tricky age. There's all that teenage angst, coming-of-age tribulations and shitty music. He knew he'd be in for trouble eating those teen-aged Twinkies. If he'd only waited

for puberty like a normal degenerate. But no, he had to overdose on his father's testosterone medication. Now he has a full beard growing from his elbow and he can't even

comb it. Fortunately, he found his mother's estrogen & downed the entire bottle. Two days later, he was hairless, but sprouted some nice 36 DDs...then changed his name to Caitlyn.