I just got my Android. However, an history of awesomness before i get the damn Android is inevitable to listen to. Well, i was here, at the bar, drunk, talking with friends, when

DeLorean. Phone booth. Hot tub... those have all been done before. I was determined to create a time machine to trump all others.

It was the 67th Annual Gentlemen's-Only chocolate tasting festival, thousands of men gathered each year to discover the finest new chocolates and moan about their oppressive wives

jhwtrudyfgmewjfjdemkdkfdfskl (and much gibberish was spoken that day...)

What is that smell?

Capricorn - Co-workers might take advantage of you. Realize your potential and write in your journal about new directions and ambitions. You will meet a dog.

One fine day in the middle of the night two dead men got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.

"Arrrrr me matey, I be Captain John D. Pussinfeathers and I'll be your guide on these troubled waters. ARRRR." Jesus, Bob thought, was this tour really going to be 2 hours?

I like onion rings

It was her worst nightmare. She was the first woman president in US history. She was also a germaphobe. The campaign had almost killed her, now 4 years of this? She called

The shy water sparkled, dancing with joy in the forsaken sunlight. Underneath the old oak tree she felt content sitting in silence, letting her eyes wander from water to sky. It

The pelican balanced on the end of the dock where she'd first kissed Richard. He was a humble, quiet man, but was the best, most honorable she'd ever murdered. His zombie corpse

The ship smashed against the rocks. Severed heads rolled out of the chest. This is where the captain has been hiding his friends. I took the torch and waved it at

y

I saw his red hat in the distance I knew

The telephone rang without end. Theresa sat there staring at it. It wasn't plugged into the wall or anything, yet it rang and rang. Desmond entered cautiously and grabbed his cell

Wythes radiates a calm confidence, while his solid posture, tall stature and playful spirit hint more at his basketball-playing youthful past than reality: Wythes will celebrate hi

He saw green blood. Most people would run, but he was Austrian! He wanted to calm the muscular sweating Indian so he said, "If it bleeds, we can kill it." But the blood

Funny

The short one sat at the table with her bible. The tall one arrived. She was so much hotter than the short one. But the short one was her spiritual adviser. They hugged, and then