Beneath the dense city air lay Hunstanton Pier. At first glance she is ugly, spoiling the consistency of the artificial green grass. You have to look closely to see her true beauty

Obama walked out of the Bathroom and saw Romney bent over, texting, at the top of the stairs. The president realized it would be real easy to just

Ted's senior year was marked by an Evil Teacher. This Evil Teacher bedeviled and tormented Ted, but was also a blessing in disguise.

Dr. Moodle also supported the claim that Dr. Seuss had a PhD in environmental science because he predicted the green eggs and ham. Thus, Dr. Moodle was not supported by

The note ended with, "Why dear sir, one could hardly find a sillier celebrity than you." He stared at the paper, trembling. "Sillier celebrity?" He thought, why he was the MOST

The accelerator suddenly dropped to the floor, and all 476 horses thundered under the hood. Flames jetted from the side exhaust, and the impromptu crowd whooped and hollered at the

Once upon a time, I was a bagger at the food hole.

A Levantine man approached my house yesterday. Maybe it was me, but he smelled like saltwater and pule, but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

Suddenly everything went black and she couldn't see. She felt the ground shake below her as if it were to open up and swallow her whole.

I'll never understand the whole again. It will always be a sum of parts. Each part neatly tucked away in the Rolodex waiting for

Happy Female Directors are all alike; every unhappy Female Director is unhappy in her own way.

I tried to put sea salt on her red alarming lights, she guides me through the night but I don't want to go home. I want to feel alive, and I know she did too; time was running out.

"Here lies the body of Edward Shakooftuplenetzer. His last name was too strange and such a hassle to spell, the people killed him so they didn't have to put up with this nonsense"

This is wrong, I know it, but I can't stop. Using stones and my catapult to put out street lamps is such a powerful way to hit back at the spoilers of the dark, we just don't need

His hatred for reggae was only outmatched by his love of weed. To solve this problem he moved to Jamaica to become super high but also kill reggae artists from the inside and

Wow, doesn't anybody still fold?

Uncertain of weather it was her insuicance or his temerity, Dan Betward could read the writing on the wall. He decided it was useless to continue playing the entertaining fool, and

In experienced preparation for a day at The Happiest Place on Earth, I consumed 800 mg of pain reliever, 100 mg of a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, and a cup of dopamine.

I'm feeling pretty down. Sure, there's the wife, kids, job, car, house, etc. etc. but what's it all about? Work work work, worry worry, stress. Eat, sleep, repeat. I think I'll buy

My friend got the lease on a hole-in-the-wall bar near Troost in KC. He's opening in June & needs a good name. The rejected names are Bar O'Soap, Wong's Half Way Inn, The Bearded C