Dear User: We have completed an unauthorized computer scan of your hard drive(s) and past year's browser history. In addition to the usual pornography, online shopping, and gaming

So quiet... too quiet. Where were all the birds? Had they fled, or had they fallen from the sky? The only thing I could hear was an odd rushing sound in the distance. Suddenly I

Super pumped up today for Blue Ivy's 2nd birthday party. I wasn't officially invited, but that has never stopped me before from crashing a party. Just last week I crashed

Nola charged 2 bits per kiss, with all the money going to Charity. Charity was her pimp. The two had met in Bible College, and it wasn't long before Nola was leaning against a pew,

This morning when I dropped a deuce in the bowl I could smell our sex from last night. The yeasty moistness that your snapper gummed on my bumpy pole really made me

While shopping at the market of ideas, I passed a fear monger barking his wares. "W wants your jobs, If you elect X he will take all your Y. World will end if you don't do Z"

That one debbie downer of the group.. wow never thought I could be sooo

Little Old Lady,or Lolly was a black and white pussy....Cat! Pussy cat... She belonged to Sally,an 81er who just thought she owned the house.The real owner was of course,Lolly.

When he said on their first date that he'd possess her heart she thought it was kinda cute in an overconfident kind of way. Now that he was standing over her with a meat cleaver

The ragged black slippers quietly disintegrated at his feet; chewed up reminders of a dog who fetched them. She had been, of course, eaten long ago. Times were tough and meat

The Count languished in anguish. Without a tongue, life had no savor. He should have known that his latest dinner guests were from Argentina, and the silver content of their blood

Chloe couldn't wait to start school! She had a new dress and new shoes. She even got a brand new lunchbox with a ballerina on it. She couldn't wait to meet all the new kids.

"Dad, dad, dad!" Alex said while running to her father. "You won't beleive what happened! I went to school and i met this person!" Her father looked at her and then said

Stop! Everybody needed to stop! If one person moved even an inch they would be

"The right hand didn't know what the left was doing!", Inspector Wojkowczski said as he sifted through the evidence submitted by Det. Manatee. Det. Manatee looked at the evidence.

John Glover popped up into my vision, sitting at my desk. "Hi, Lex! I found ya, Lex! Lex! Leeeeex! Leeeeeex!" "What, dad?" I asked, exasperated. "You're bald, son." He smiled.

It was bad timing of Holmes to experiment with designer drug Titters, inducer of laughing fits, just when Lady Boogers came to consult over the vanishing of her husband, Sir Olive.

I wedged my cupped hand between my cheeks and THEN farted. It made a hollow noise. Then I deftly lifted my hand to my nose and inhaled the

So the old lady opened the bank's letter. "We regret to inform you Ma'am but we are foreclosing on your shoe." She didn't need this. She had so many children, and now this?

Phil looked at Anita incredulously. "You can't be serious! It can't be done!" Anita only narrowed her eyes at him. "Phil, don't make me question my attraction - to your brain."