As a young sailor of little means, I dove with a full tank to visit the Octopus' Used Sub lot. He had just the thing, a sweet yellow number driven by a little old lady from Jamaica

"I don't care. I don't care. I wont care" she whispered throwing the first handful of dirt into the six foot hole int he ground. She closed her eyes in hopes that this was a dream,

Bit

Dave was going to the footy game. The most antcipated game of the year.England v Germany in the 2014 world cup final!Were England going to triumph or were Germany going to succeed?

Sarah could not believe her teacher had actually come to her home. That is not at all what she intended when she spoke to her earlier! Taking off her coat, she thought of a plan.

I love calamari. Or at least what I *thought* was calamari. Turns out there's a good chance I've been eating pig bung all this time. Oh, you say you don't know what bung is??

the girl stares at him and wonders why his lips are so freaking black like gucci! so she said

Private Twitch of the 3rd Pinecone Brigade really wanted to be down on the ground where the action was with Silvertail & Acornelius. The pitbull rounded the oak for the third time

I handed them the bent spoon. "That's it?" "Yes, that's it." "No clairvoyance, remote viewing or ESP?" "Nope." "I'm not sure if your the sort of agent we want for the CIA." "Wait,

The Chairman upstairs is watching. You don't really have a free will. If you try to deviate from "the plan," he will cause your coffee to spill, thereby missing the bus, causing

It's just one of those things...

"That's easy for you to say. You have a tin hat! I tell you there's a grand wizard out there controlling everything with his mind waves."

So, to summarize, you say you want me to come up with a whole new advertising campaign for your proctology practice, right? OK, I think I can do that. I already have several ideas

once upon a time, there was a sponge who lived in a pineapple under the sea. Absorbant and yellow and pourous was he! he had a bestfriend, whos name was patrick. they loved to go

Calling THIS smog would be an understatement. You could cut this thing with a knife and put it on bread. "How do you navigate through this without a horn?"

Women screamed in terror and ran for their lives. Children cried everywhere. Men fought to protect their families from the armies of comic book nerds rampaging through the streets.

Slowly Margaret lowered herself down on to the dining hall chair. She hoped they'd have chocolate pudding today - she really enjoyed smearing it all over her face and flinging it

"What do you want this time?" asked God. The Devil, hat in hand said, "Look, I'm sorry. I apologize for being prideful and I have learned my lesson." God opened his arms and

This is an absolutely true story: When I was out walking my dog this morning, I noticed a trail of gummy bears. There they were,every 3 feet or so, leading into the forest. I follo

Salt Lake City, the city that knows no sleep. Where coffee and aspirin are the drug of choice and where you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Mormon. This was my beat.