The dim lights in the room makes everything feel slightly more tragic. I'm secretly hoping things aren't really as bad as they seem. Honesty is best but often times the truth hurts

The sun was shining; the birds were chirping. The coffee was brewing; the gun was loaded. I

"I cannot imagine a better way to end this day", Margot thought to herself. The 22 ounce Black & Tan before her was perfectly poured and the man who wouldn't stop talking wasn't

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I received a memo from my boss entirely in webdings. It was marked as URGENT, naturally. I ignored it, thinking it was a joke, but I'd forgotten that my boss is insane. The next da

turned off onto into a gas station hoping to locate a hose to cleanse my soiled shoe, or gun with which to shoot myself. I fantasized walking into the mini-mart that almost all

I couldn't believe it! My assignment was due on the 6th of May, not the 5th of June! This was the fifth time my recent move to America screwed things up for me.

"Do the words, 'Fuck you,' mean anything to you?" he asked in a whisper. It was so quiet you could hear a mouse piss on cotton. Then from the right

"Star Command, this is Cadet Dykeson. Supplies are depleted. Morale is low. Please respond." Unfortunately due to harsh interference from the ringed moons, dispatch heard:

"Face, meet cement" - That was his last thought? - Yep. - Not a particularly good one to sum up your life with, eh? - He always took pride in rational and impartial thinking, sir.

Rockets escape earth in the style of fleeing sperm puncturing outwards. We have never excelled with uterine-shaped projectiles; nevertheless, pilots all prize their parachutes.

"Ya wanna go to cheeky Nandos with the lads after school?" Sean asked me excitedly. I blinked slowly. "No." "Come on lad, it'll be a jolly good time!" "No."

Peter Jackson, maker of Drive-in zombie classic "Dead Alive" has returned to the Dark side with "The Zombit". Gollum's severed finger is an excuse for zombie-fu, elf-aardvarking

When I finished the horror story I wondered how the narrator could still write as the evil malevolent presence was slowly approaching from behin... (What's that noise?)

Colder than a well diggers ass? The only way find out it's meaning is to actually dig a well by hand. The well well Dad and I were digging was already thirty feet deep and water

I exhaled slowly, exhausted. "For the last time, I told you, I'd never seen her face before last night." These cops were incompetent chumps. What they didn't know was

Dear Sir, I write this to inform you succinctly of your ill-temper and unsavory manner of speech. As you know, My English Dandy Club membership outranks your Drill Sergeant's strip

I followed the hot chick for two blocks and finally got up the nerve to ask her out when she entered a biker bar. I hesitated and then entered. Everyone turned to stare

The afternoon of Oct. makes me sleepy. Watching the sunray from the window pane, the time is passing slowly. "The life won't change if I do nothing." I say. "Yes, this will last

Katy best friend Sarah and Her were superpose be going straight home from the 5sos concert. but Sarah talked Katy into going a party 5sos was throwing.