This story is not about Hamlet, but about slow-adult cousin Omelette. Long before the famed-skullduggery, Hamlet was put in charge in Omelette. They traveled around

"A pirate's sweat tastes like whiskey." I look at William (instead of drop kicking his chest) and say, "and you know this how?"

Janice pushed him down the stairs. Clunk. Bang. Flash of light. Dark. When he came to he felt groggy. His vision was blurred. He called for help but bubbles escaped his mouth

As The Grateful Dead and Phish and Deadmau5 all jammed out the audience couldn't stop taking the mega dose LSD/MDMA pills that where being handed out in giant tubs by a guy in a

The last applicant was the most qualified of the bunch, by a wide margin. Loads of relevant experience <check>, leadership qualities <check>, suspicious beard <double check>.

Perry woke up, rolled over, and purred he was a platypus after all.

El pendejo corrió por el pueblo gritando: "¡El lobo ha robado las ovejas" por última vez!" Lo metieron en la estacada. Todo el mundo sabía que el pueblo no tenía ovejas.

"I did not hit her...Oh hi Mark!"

Dear Abby, Why does my Venus Flytrap plant keep grabbing at the zipper on my trousers? - Baffled Botanist in Boston

Moxie secretly diverted the radio telescope to transmit his message to the aliens ship. He wanted to have the exclusive story. "My Interview with an Alien" was his dream title but

Enter, Robbin said. "We should pass the gate by late noon Cora, anybody who's delayed for 2 second to jump will die, so take more than you can." Cora leaned and lined back in color

Walking down the street one day, I met a total stranger. I asked him 'what he wanted to be', and he said, "Stranger! Danger!"

The green people were notorious for stealing tea from the aquamarine people. the aquamarine people considered themselves vastly superior to the orange people. The orange people

I was driving to a place to pick up a thing for someone when suddenly something happened which

I had been given the Government's most important secret document by accident. The delivery woman had swallowed her suicide pill before discovering I was the wrong person! The sec

The rumor has it that if you collect alot of seashells, something good is bound to happen! I knew that this good thing was a nice L-2 Sword. After waking the Wind Fish I preceded

Mabel was sick and tired of her tiny piglet, but didn't want to piss off the animal activists by doing anything too hasty. Scooping up the squealing porker, she shoved Wilbur into

Did you wake up tired? Last night... A New X-FLARE: sunspot AR1598 has erupted, (Oct. 23rd at 0322 UT) with a strong X1-class solar flare. N

In an effort to improve their brand image, the Mormon Church took some suspect advice from a PR firm and began to dress their missionaries as Lord of the Rings characters. It was

The car swerved to miss the kangaroo, plowed through the guard rail at high speed, and plunged over the side of the hill at high speed, only to land on the roof of the local ice