Shalomar. Shalomar. Shalomar." The shadows on the wall quivered. They had come again tonight. I can feel them. They always come on a

Up. Down. Up. Down. The twisted game of gravity. The cruel litany of man after man at the gallows. Up. Down.

Think about being alone with a horny retarded teenager that can swim 60 MPH. That's what it's like being a dolphin trainer.

The Martians looked upon Earth with despair. Were solar flares and too much humidity the cause of so many earthly contretemps? The Obsidian Galak

I’m not a one-of-a-kind. According to the stamp on my birth certificate, I’m a “Limited Edition '94 Bob Vantz”. The other 19 Bob Vantz’s that were produced are scattered throughout

As the brilliant morning sun adds specks of gold to my eyes I speak. The thought that becomes sound somehow becomes reality. Serenity overwhelms, these gold specked eyes are bliss.

I am a beetle.

Their potato proved that there was no such thing as alien life on other planets. The philosopher and the President explained all the complicated details as to why, beginning at

"No" means "No" and "Yes" means "No". Any questions? The law states that if you ask questions, you will be imprisoned. Also, failure to ask questions shows lack of participation!

I slew a dragon. But the policeman didn't believe me. He finished handcuffing me and slammed me into the back of the police van. "This one is crazy!" said one of the officers.

A man walked into a bar one day...

You dont perplex cerebral cortexes of both sexes. You just drive a Lexus and flex your pecs at ladies and gents. But thats only my two cents. My opinion wont leave a dent. Only if

Frank had built an empire on two simple principals: Good speling and proper use of grammar. Unfortunately, it looks like I is not one of his pupils.

"Let me be the interior decorator of your heart". It came from a cage with a parrot. He was owned by a Lady's man. He learned all the guys successful openers. I bought the parrot

"Qu'est-ce que c'est?" he said into the microphone at the drive-thru. With a perfect Parisian accent, one of the requirements for the job. The box squawked in response

Spacebar. Backspace. Spacebar. Backspace. Spacebar. Backspace. Spacebar.

Nom nom nom nom nom. The giant sloth munched on the pile of Reece's cups. He turned his head, threw up, and then began eating more. Oh, why was he so fat, he wondered.

"Keep left. Arriving at jail," said the GPS. The jewel thief wasn't falling for that one again. He stuffed his stash in the glove box and navigated the city by memory. Jaywalkers

Frank and Mary Johnson felt shut down, moving through dark water after the school massacre, but when the reporters showed up, they loaded their shotguns on principle, and not one r

It was 4:19pm on April 20th. We'd road-tripped all the way from Portland, Maine to Weed, California & felt as if we'd been preparing our entire lives for what was about to unfold.