I tried to smile through my tears. Predictably, Harry misinterpreted my crying as tears of joy. His expectations of me this Valentine's Day were just too high. I wanted out.

I love my spatula. No, I'm not some animated submarine sponge - I just truly appreciate the fine craftmanship, the heft, the scooping power of a finely made spatula. Sure, you're

Peanut went down the road, but he didn't cross it, as you might expect. He also did not wander into a pub, but he turned into the dark street, where he met an elephant who was

If i tell you why i have six toes on my left foot, then will you sleep with me, she asked my friends and I.

I'd agreed to give up my independence to be a part of the historic Human Supercomputer project. Our brains were linked together in series and questions were fed into our cortex.

Having the reputation in college as "The Guy Who Eats A Lot Of Pizza" is not quite a feat, but it might be an accomplishment. My discarded crusts spilled over on my overdue work

Emilio had almost dozed off twice on the long straight stretch of desert highway when one of the watermelons in the flatbed ahead of him exploded causing a chain reaction

"Por favor,bom dia...",Carl was having trouble with his Portuguese.He needed to find the house and talk to Maria asap,but nobody knew that street.not even the cab driver.Time was r

"Oh! Hey Bob! How's it goin'?" Bob whipped around. "You must be mistaken. My name's not Bob." "Sure it is, Bob." I squinted. "Yes, you're definitely Bob." Bob's adam's apple bobbed

"Oh." She paused. Then, "I thought horticulture was the study of prostitutes." It was little moments like these that reminded me why I loved her so much.

If you like dumb, pointless stories, then this one's just for you.

"You are my bride and glory," said the necromancer to the dead body.

Come here and talk to your Uncle. Listen boy, if you want to invest in the future, two words. Pneumatic Tubes.

It is as they say: "Nice parrots finish last." TomCat had Squawkers pinned the the floor & went in for the kill. "BUT a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush," Squawkers jerked

Aunt Valetta paused from her squirrel ironing and her lip curled in disdain at Pa's offering. "Road kill don't make for good coats! I got my pride!" Her fur coat business

I was making a cheese and ham toastie by ironing the ingredients between 2 slices of bread. Now I had melted cheese all over my ironing board and the steam setting made the bread

Gojii berries are the secret to sustainable and cheap fusion power. I am convinced of it.

Roll up a fatty. Twist it at the ends. You invite the homies. I'll invite the friends.

The mountain surrounded her. Protected by thick steel doors and solid rock, she pushed a red button. It hadn't been done since 1945. The president had just ordered a

"Is she dead mommy?" the cat was laying on the floor lifeless. But how can you tell a three year old that her cat she had for two days died. She poked the cat and asked again