In the end, the computer hard drive never got fixed, but that inspired him to meet his first lover who told him it was futile. Then his would-be boyfriend got high & cheated on him

His fist crashes into my nose, causing a loud crack and sending blood everywhere. He smirks and says, "You really suck at this." I smile and say, "Screw you too."

Buff Spelunker trudged into the depths. The stalagmites parted, and the stalactites retracted into the ceiling, lest they be crumbled by a brush of his shoulders. An ancient para

The morning after: She nuzzled up to him and then licked him with her raspy tongue. We woke with a start. There was an enormous capybara in his bed.

Kurt Russet was wrapping up Big Tuber in Little China. The movie was half-baked and he wondered if the critics would roast it.

M U R D E R E R

So late it was really early I opened the window and sucked in the fresh air. The starlight was brighter than usual but it was washed out by the

It all started when I found my grandfather's old passport. There were stamps from Japan, Nigeria and Bolivia. And all in the 1920s. What was he doing there? And why the pinecones?

I opened the door to the fire station and cats just poured out of the door in a never-ending cascade. I pushed forward and was soon completely submerged in cats, my open mouth

"What have I told you?!" he yelled out, slapping the young girls face. The girl cired out as she fell to the floor, "I'm sorry!" she cried, scared of him even more. He looked ready

I was about to vote for President, when I wondered if it even mattered. I decided it didn't matter who I voted for, I was doomed anyway. So I didn't vote, instead I bought me a

It was 10:30 at night. The sky had turned a sullen orange, and Jake felt more alive than ever before. The blood that oozed from his ears and eyes didn't worry him. The green ooze

"It would only take 30 - 40 minutes tops to break into it, " I thought to myself... Charlie Tuna, why do you do this to me every time?? The pouches are ok, but the cans are soooo

She was already showing clear signs of madness. My therapist, the one who had decided to get rich while "helping" me began to devour her own consciousness... and It was I who

'You can remove toxic conditions from the atmosphere through fire,' said the pundit. 'The process is called Homa and is based on the vedic science of bioenergy.' Here's how you do

Chan Chan exited the alleyway into the street. The glowing outline of the Needle shot up behind the sillhouette of smaller buildings in the ever murky Shanghai skyline. Buildering

Secretart was a super hero for the sex-obsessed 21st century.

In retrospect, the idea of glass toilet paper, while appealing in some respects, perhaps was not of his more thought-out inventions, nor had the sandpaper variety caught on as much

"Eat my shorts Martin! Hey, cut that out. No not with your canines. What if someone comes into the elevator! What if Mr. Van Buren walks in on this?"

"What do you mean, do you want fries with that!?"