When I woke up, it was dark. I still had a few matches left, so I lit one. At once, a thousand other matches lit all around me, and I realized I was still in the House of Mirrors

He pulled over to admire it, gleaming in the morning light. The smooth, pale stalk and atop: an inverted triangle. "Give way" it stated, cryptically. Wasting no to time, he snapped

Philip K. Dickens wondered whether Scrooge was even human as he toiled over pointless numbers late one festive evening in the heart of the heartless metropolis. Cratchit seemed hum

When townsfolk voiced their beef with how aesthetically unappealing the giant dome would be, The Architect designed a thorny rainforest canopy to do the job. The lush prison craze

I'm performing at the Super Bowl half-time show tomorrow. No, I'm not famous and nobody invited me, but mark my words, I'm performing. Just watch and see.

I'm gonna start eating carrots and spitting them around like a bad ass.

Eyes wide & unblinking. Guilless. Nose sniffing. Ears peaked.Taking in the maximum senses would allow. A receptical of the oracle we call the world. But all he learned. All he knew

Oh my God. I did not see that coming. If

Have you ever seen one? I saw my first one in Nebraska in '07. Always wanted to see one, but in the end, it just kinda found me. We were in a field at night and I felt

It's time you knew the truth. I was kicked off the fire department 8 years ago. All those times I said I was putting out fires, I was really

The most difficult part of my day is waking up. And no, I don't mean getting out of bed. I mean *waking up*.

Since our drone program was scrapped, we decided air lifting homing zombies into enemy bunkers to be our only hope.

Sitting in the pavement. Holding my head as if it was going to drop. I tried to grasp the situation I'm in. Five minutes ago I was a normal person with a family. Now all I have is

I tore into my stocking with gleeful abandon. Would there be cash, candy, trick new gadgets? Hmm, let's see: socks (meh), toothbrush (retch), nail file (pshh), fruit (gag), dishrag

Arik finally brought it up. "Tamara, is it true that you are secretly LX-27J?" Tamara had been bursting to tell him. "Yeah, that was me wot restarted the global Tesla power thing."

The frustrated butcher knicked Tommy by his shirt's collar. The child gagged. "You won't learn your lesson, will ya kid?" he threatened. The doors to the white van opened.

He looked up, puzzled, from the article on dirty politics in the Ukraine. "Nobbler?" What the hell was a "nobbler?" Maybe it was a kind of

I was checking my ETSY store every 32 seconds it seems. I had tons of awesome stuff for sale, I have no idea I wasnt getting any hits. Mannequin limbs? Who doesnt love that?

Say my name

I wish that I was born a thousand years ago. I wish I'd sailed the darkened seas on a great big clipper ship going from this land here to that, in a sailor's suit and cap.