I couldn't believe it's simplicity. How'd they manage to get it so small? I kept asking myself over and over again "What if I just take it?" I saw the security guard, he was

Uncle Bernie knew he didn't have the noggin for a Noble, but figured he could snag an Ig-Noble prize. He showed chicken plucking could be used to measure tornado winds speeds,

My Uncle Luther just passed gas while we were sitting around the family room. I was the only one who heard it. He knew that I knew. But it quickly became evident to everyone that

In eighteen hundred and fifty-nine, a summer's day turned strangely dark, and the sun a jaundiced moon. The Turtle of the Baskervilles startled the groundskeeper on a lark, with di

The two girls clung to each other digging their nails deep. Slowly they approached the shed door. The growling from within the shed grew fierce. Through the panels yellow eyes

Clive had had enough. Standing on the edge of the precipice, with his toes dangling over, he took a final deep breath and looked skyward. The buzzards were circling in wide arcs

Limo Jousting was "in". Wealthy knights opened the sunroofs and ordered their chauffeurs to charge. "Eat my lance," said 5-time champion Guinevere du Lac. She was hypercompetitive

Faster and faster, nothing could slow us down. We exploded from the tunnel into the open night sky, stars glimmering above us, the world calmly waiting below. It happened, we flew

I am a wretched man, a deplorable man, a humorous man, a regrettable man. My brain is alive and has a disease. It goes out at night and I follow, in the shadows. The others I avoid

The Jesus's Lawn Care van arrived right on time Wednesday morning. I thanked God every day I'd found him. What a nice guy, and the lawn had never been greener. One day Jesus

Why is this man talking so loudly and gesturing so frantically? Maybe I can't talk yet but I sure can hear and see him! Why are people so weird in front of babies? I wonder if they

One hot summer night, while I was sucking down chili dogs outside the Tastee Freeze, I noticed that the dude sitting on the hood of the car next to mine looked exactly like Elvis.

Thinking that, if Popeye gained temporary super-strength from eating spinach, I might gain a superpower from ingesting a common vegetable, I began to eat nothing but lima beans for

The shrouded gates opened. Amy moved towards them. Then she was stopped. A red-eyed raven hulked on the Gate post. It gargled, "Ms. Winehouse, where do you think you're going?"

The words had come out of her mouth in pitch-perfect bitchery. A frost settled across the breakfast table. He smiled, and closed his lap top. He picked up the scrambled

Best

Mary was drinking a soda when two Federal Agents arrested her in public! "Mary Anne Jones" said the blonde one "You're under arrest for the manufacturing and selling of

She reset the alarm & glanced around. The back door was now locked, the curtains drawn. She gripped the spatula with both hands & took several deep breaths.

Today the Apple dumpling gang

"Out out damn spot", she cried out helplessly