If you're reading this sentence, it means I'm likely dead.

I figured I'd take this guidance counselor meeting seriously for once. I wanted a job that maximized money/effort. I didn't care about fame, integrity, or "happiness". I want money

We all turned on our nightvision. I hoisted my MK18 as he signaled the countdown. "Go! Go! Go!" I whispered as we rushed the door. What was on the other side surprised

The Ducks of Al-Hazred had once been ordinary fowl, but, having read from the gibbering madness written by the author of the Quackronomicon, what sanity they had went the way of

I've noticed something about myself. The longer I play FoldingStory the more disgusting I become. What started off as a literary adventure has become little more than a

This morning I went to school and there was no one there...

One upon a time there was a dog named bacon. And all that dog wanted was to eat bacon and more bacon. Bacon ate so much bacon that his owner feared that he was going to turn into a

I tried to smile through my tears. Predictably, Harry misinterpreted my crying as tears of joy. His expectations of me this Valentine's Day were just too high. I wanted out.

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates -". The dwarves stopped singing as one, realizing that Bilbo stood in the kitchen doorway, his arms

i have an asian friend his name is da balsakdoodle he is a good friend

I pulled up to the stop. Pearl Jam pumping. Either way led to home but unbeknownst to me at the time a left meant painful death and right meant joyful rendezvous with an old buddy.

He was toughened up by Nam and the Smiths' split, but this was Little Drummer Boy, damnit, and these 5th graders were ruining it. "Down in front! I want a clean shot at the snare."

Gwen pulled into the parking lot of Aunt Valetta’s Sentient Sofa Bar and Grill™. She'd been starving all day, but hadn't found a thing to eat at the Turgid Stoat Sanctuary.

The mystical mermaid quickly swam through the choppy waves. She knew she had to get back to her cove before the tide rolled in.

OK, THIS is IT. I am tired of messin' around! 2 points here, 3 points there...it's pitiful. This story right here...the one you are reading right now...is gonna earn 100 points or

Finally, an econimist strolled out with a magic marker. "Since zeroes equal nothing, let's just cut off the last six numbers from the national debt." Congress applauded.

As I walked through the house wearing nothing but a jersey and slippers

Am I the only one who cares about wrecking ball accuracy anymore? Sheesh, Dale, when I say that I want the Blockbuster destroyed, I don't mean the corner deli. Give it another go.

The noise echoed in my ear, the sound of the rope hitting the bottom. It came an hour after I threw the one end down the cliff. All I needed to do was get down and save humanity.

I am not angry. I wish I was, but I'm too old to feel anything but numb. "You know he did try and find you after the march, but Souci you had eyes for everyone but the star"