Gerard woke yet again to the rusted shackles round his infected wrists. And yet he was somehow stirred to shout for joy toward the far window of his tower cell, that others might

It was just one of those days. The portable death ray couldn't be propped up on the balcony because SOMONE forgot to bring a three-prong extension chord. Good minions are hard to

Mr. Odwalla was tolgerlatting his hasbiggi's new plofu-molber, when a policeman drove by and stopped his car in suprise. "Is that a real plofu-molber?!" he asked in wonder.

Robin Hood and Little John went hoppin through the forest. Little John said "Robin Hood, would you eat my porridge?" Robin Hood said

CSI: Omaha. The show were we see intrepid scientists wheel about in their office chairs and play Canasta. The lead investigator stares out the window and waits and waits...

In the ever-so-late Spring of 2013, the people of Earth finally had some kind of shambly Sanghah or however it's spelled, but the crusty Arcturians would have none of it. Despite

"Your Great Uncle died and left you his record collection, library of books, and film archive." The lawyer then flung a flash drive across the desk. "If you would just sign here."

I was deep in meditation, surrounded by bamboo and tweet tweet birdsong. Just prior to reaching samadhi a rabid panda bites me in the ass. I achieve enlightenment but as a half

But he couldn't tolerate this crap acting anymore. He was a God. They were, well twits. He walked over to the craft services table and decided to eat his feelings. He hated

He knew all the words to Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" but couldn't remember who fought the War of 1812 or why, which automatically qualified him as the world's worst American

His face was sideways.

A snapback. Sagged pants. A chained necklace. Osiris shoes. A long, meek mill t shirt. The typical gangster strolled through town, looking for some tasty weed. His name was Omar.

The unicorn-jousting was going splendidly until I awoke with my knees against the ceiling

'It's a very blustery day' announced Pooh. The wind tickled across Pooh's stomach & played havoc with his duodenal ulcer which lay but inches beneath. Dr. Tigger was to perform an

Damn microwave. The TV dinner was burnt on the outside, and the meat-loaf was a meat-sickle. The corn shriveled and freezer burnt, the potato cold sawdust. Was that a brownie?

String theory, the scientist said, is an attempt to realize Einstein's dream and not Isaac Newton and the apple that fell on his head causing him to attain Nirvana. Now the apple

Well, I suppose you only live once. Not that skydiving would ensure the continuation of that life. Nonetheless, the love of my life was convinced it would finally rid me of my fear

My ship was received by the Reinforcement Blossoms. When I opened the hatch I could smell the fragrance streams passing digital information through solar petals.

Something was different, I found myself in a diffrent timeline. A way cooler one too. John Lennon had survived the shooting, Christopher Walken was the President, and my girlfriend

When my father got angry, he'd swear "Jesus H. Christ on a bicycle". This was quite confusing. Harry? Herbert? Now, in the crypt of the Templars, the fresco clearly showed