CSI: Omaha. The show were we see intrepid

  • CSI: Omaha. The show were we see intrepid scientists wheel about in their office chairs and play Canasta. The lead investigator stares out the window and waits and waits...

  • for retirement. The phone rang. Startled, he answered. "Hello CSI? There's been a suspicious accident on the set of Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom, Marlin Perkins was gored by a Bore

  • “No Sanders, not a Boar, a b-o-r-e, like your boss, Jim Brass. No, Jim didn’t gore Marlin Perkins, it was another bore…how do I know? Look, just get over here!” When CSI arrived

  • to primetime all dramas became cop dramas. It was crap. It was boring. Jim Brass, (AKA "Brass Tacks") was trying to keep his job at Paramount. He'd had a slew of no-hits

  • &, alternatively, medical dramas which all had the same old schtick of some doctor with all the personality of a slapped ass. Jim Brass needed a starring role, not cop & med shows

  • , something with class. "How about I stand in front of a green screen and compliment people?" Jim Brass suggested. The Comedy Central exec said, "I'm gonna need 3 racist jokes per

  • episode and if we're not being boycotted by at least two accredited human rights group by the end of the first season, you're fired." I was confident I could meet Comedy Central's

  • mandate. I wrote the most obnoxiously funny monologues imaginable for Comedy Central, annihilating human rights groups like Amnesty Intl., the Alliance for Women, & CryptoRights. I

  • joined the George C Marshall Institute where I lobbied for increased use CFCs, denied global warming and denied the carcinogenic nature of smoking tobacco. I mastered denying every

  • thing until I met Death with her slathering wolves at a crossroads one day. She said "You're dead." I said "No, I'm not." Death just walked away.



  1. Zetawilk Mar 05 2013 @ 11:12

    Blunt as it is, I think we've all done a great service here today.

  2. SlimWhitman Mar 05 2013 @ 19:23

    Walking away from Death is a rare thing, but the reverse? Unheard of! Can't resist: http://foldingstory.com/m6vnt/ http://foldingstory.com/q3puz/

  3. lucielucie Mar 06 2013 @ 02:31

    I think that because the narrator meets Death at a crossroads and she's a woman and she's accompanied by wolves that she's Hecate. Hecate is associated with ghosts - and nothing is in greater denial than a ghost. She walks away because she doesn't argue. She's doing him a favour, really, by letting him know. Now, if I'd had any idea the story is about stuff off the telly, then I wouldn't have written this ending... But there you go.

  4. lucielucie Mar 06 2013 @ 04:58

    and thanks for the stories SlimWhitman.

  5. PurpleProf Mar 06 2013 @ 05:08

    Death's name is Renee. "Just walk away, Renee..."

  6. PurpleProf Mar 06 2013 @ 09:00

    SlimWhitman & LucieLucie... http://foldingstory.com/ofaj9/

  7. lucielucie Mar 06 2013 @ 09:25

    I like the name Renee Hekate. Renee means 'reborn' in French so it's an interesting name for Death.

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