I have Michael Bublé's "Russian Unicorn" stuck in my head.

I don't 'like' anybody. I don't have a 'Pinterest' in anything. I can't be bothered to 'retweet.' Please don't 'copy', 'forward', or 'Google' me. (Why doesn't anyone read my blog?)

truthfully, my sister was a lesbian. she'd been getting pretty close to me lately, and it freaked me right out. never been into the whole incest thing.

...and they called him...The Scribbler...

"Stress can cause sleepwalking, which is exercise, so stress is good for you. Looks like someone just solved health." Anna had a quill-wielding scribe record her every word. Genius

Dave ate a burrito and thought of the good old days.

Nothing wrong with dunking the Todger in a cool dip especially if its very hot

If you give a mouse a cookie, he will suffer from a diabetic episode. If he suffers from diabetic episode, you must give him an insulin injection. If he recovers, he might sue you.

You're eating one helluva grilled cheese sandwich. Perfect. Twice you've thought: ~Goddamn, this is the best thing I've ever eaten.~ Then you find it. A hair. You

Out my window and across the street, a still black figure caught my eye amidst the grey-green midnight shadow of the bushes - I stared, dreading what I would decipher; dreading

walla: Walla is a word used by ignorant Americans who don't know any foreign languages and barely know their own. The correct word is "voila", which loosely translates as "

"I'm saying YES to this dress!" Susan cried, throwing her arms in the air & twirling around. I tried to smile, but honestly, it was the most god-awful wedding dress I'd ever seen.

"What happens on Folding Story stays on Folding Story," Eloise said. Small comfort to me as the waves tossed Mrs Harridan among the rocks below. There would be questions when we re

I contrived fissionably late at Becky's for her perennial Christmas fiasco. "I love that debacle you're wearing!" she sprayed dejectedly. I began malingering with the other guests.

Her face was a perfect oval, like an circle that had two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. She walked past him every day, presumably on her way to work. He was homeless,

a b vc h

You know people will always try to bring you down but you hold your head head high and stand for something.

Tim lived in a rundown cinder-block walk-up known to most of the adults in Huntsville as "that goddamn eyesore on Maple Street" and to all of the children as "the murder tower."

I can't even look at you without getting flustered. I didn't want to feel this way about you, but it happened. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I fell in love with you.

Do you ever think of the very real possibility that not all of your friends will die of old age? Because I do. Every single day. Oi, why does being a reaper have to be so difficult