The midday sun scorched the asphalt of a highway stretching through the desert. Rita found a nice big rock and dropped in on the accelerator and put the convertible in drive.

The problem with the Nutcracker wasn't his wooden conversation or his gastly chops, it was in his noggin, the whorls of his brain like those of a walnut. He was crackin' nutty &

There was a thud in the kitchen, a sound like the muffled wail of a cat, and then silence. Martha reached for her walker & started towards the kitchen, sure that this time Fluffy

Billy Pepper was all about beef jerky, cold brew and hunting knives which made him the perfect

Thanks to an initiative to prevent any misunderstanding from happening ever, a speed reading limit of 250 words per minute was enacted. Drunk reading was now very illegal, as was

The residents of Car Carpet City hid in their houses, too afraid of all the giant speeding cars to venture out. The children had severely bruised arms from playing Punch Buggy and

Ashamed, I sped Veronica to the ER in my convertible. A banana was lodged in her throat. I warned her about practicing fellatio on fruit while laying down, but she didn't listen.

It was 4th and two. 29 seconds to go. I knew they'd be crowding the line of scrimmage, almost assuredly blitzing. I screamed out an audible and looked at Jerry. He nodded. I gunned

Walking down the street one day, I met a total stranger. I asked him 'what he wanted to be', and he said, "Stranger! Danger!"

- Fade to Black - FIN. The blue velvet curtain came down. That was short. "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" Just 15 minutes?

Health consequences aside, and speaking purely in terms of calorie/dollar efficiency, it's clear that the best food currently available is

I sat there in the darkness with tears in my eyes, nothing made sense here, at least not anymore.

Quorn

Are you embarrassed by your chronic affluence? Ever been trapped in a crowded elevator with your own affluence? Are you excluded from social groups due to audible affluence? Then

Two sausages are sitting in a frying pan. One sausage turns to the other and says "Woah, it's pretty hot in here today!". The other sausage replies "Holy crap! A talking sausage!".

"The gate is closing!" screamed the henchman, kicking his legs giddily as he waves his arms in a triumphant stance. He was probably even more excited than the actual participants.

"Well pickle my poltergeist!" exclaimed Shawanda. "In all my years in the exorcism business I've never seen anything like this!" In the bed lay a young girl cradling a

Once upon a time there was a brave little boy named Smith that lived in a swamp with an ogre named George. They were great friends and they did many fun things together like...

"And now I can check off Princess Leia," I said, studying my list of Comic-Conquests. Next up was Neytiri from Avatar. I stuffed a cucumber into my R2D2 suit and trudged along, unt

There was a little girl named penny. She was eight years old with long black hair. After school every day she would go outside to play.