Drunk. Scottish. Bitter.

"Unfortunately weak 3rd quarter sales mean we'll have to cut another 30 or so shifts." I laughed out loud, oblivious. Someone had just posted a zinger on FS.com. "Excuse me, Mr.

In 2024 McDonalds finally gave in and refused to actually put ANYTHING of nutritional value in their food - meat was replaced with edible plastic, soda was actually a long-chain

Commander A Llama addressed the Ducks of Al-Hazred, Six Million Dollar Clam, the Bionic Wombat & all the other Folding Animals aboard Cattlecar Galactica - "Friends, Folders,

Dale said to the shoemaker, "I may be in my 40's, but I can't tie shoes. Could you craft me a pair of velcro light-ups?" The shoemaker delegated the task to his apprentice, a blind

ARPB Board minutes. January 12, 2013. Council member Jones presented his proposal for impeachment. Charmain Donnely yelled and threw a chair. Bailiff Stuggart restrained Chairman

The pied piper had gone to Los Angeles for a recording contract, but discovered that there was no money in the music business anymore. In fact, some 14 year old kid had taken his m

If I had won the Power ball, I would not be sitting in class right now. Instead, I would...

Barry Manilow stole into my room last night at 3 a.m. At first I thought it was a dream, but when he crawled into my bed & began singing "Mandy," I knew something was up.

And then Joe Black said, "The truth? The truth is that you've been fucking Death. I'm an eternal supernatural being in a dead man's body and you divirginzed me." Vomit came up her

I think my current condition can be accurately traced to the time when I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet of a Tijuana campground. I had no other toothbrush for the trip, so I

"What I want neither you nor anybody else can give me...no body...not even the God." The woman was standing beside the door, starring at the thin air. The alley was empty, smelling

"It's a prawn appeal" whispered the black-eyed shrimp, "against their sentence for crimes against mollusculinity". "What?" replied the outraged reported, "But they haven't even bee

I'd never smoked bath salts before. I'd never done any drug before. But here I was, high on bath salts on my way to church.

The Rat-King tweeked his wiskers and observed Sewer Kingdom from high up on his throne (which is basically a pipe). Rat underlings scuttled to and fro

"Sorry sir, the country on this passport doesn't exist." The airport clerk hands back the document. "But I've lived there my entire life, how is that possible?" Gerald flails,

The story of the future how can this be

Gilgamesh had grown weary of being a "super dude." Fame had its problems too. He thirsted for the freedom of anonymity so he disguised himself as

When turtles turtle, mocking birds mock, and horses horse around, you know that soon dogs will dog, camels will

"Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer," Elton said softly, slowly. But TD pirouetted away and giggled. "First, count the headlights on the highway!" she said teasingly. Infuriated,