The Ratgod checked his Chinese horoscope for 2013 and learned, to his dismay, that this is the year he would most likely experience loneliness.

The beautiful lady with long blonde hair walked into the hotel with her luggage. She was on holiday in North Korea and everywhere she went

I had just gotten over my fear of mickey mouse, when

Jeff & Jane stood hand in hand, their toes hanging over the cliff. "Ready?" Jane nodded. "On the count of 3...One...two...three..." They fell together into the dark precipice.

By 3 a.m. most of his skin had peeled off. The blood loss was obscene, but the fact that he was still "alive" confounded him. He had always been under the impression that he needed

"I am the Oracle of Knuckleheadery," said the sage. He wore a No Fear shirt, with a batman cape, he sat on a thrown that was a bean bag and drank Pabst Blue Ribbon.

After Disney sucked it dry and left it to die in the form of 23 installments, the Star Wars franchise received a little mouth-to-mouth from the adult film industry. Episode XXX was

I was immeasurably pissed off. I had the rows in my zen garden perfectly aligned, each rock balanced, each shadow beautiful. Then when placing the rake back in it's place, a door

I couldn't believe my eyes! The last thing I expected to see when I looked out my window was that!

"Aww, is it moving day again, daddy? I was just starting to like this place." "Yes, dear. Every Tuesday. Pack only what you can carry." Nick Nomad and his family clan set out for

'If I could bring you back to life, I really would, I really would - Mama.' said Richard looking at the old, sepia-tinged photograph. The blood-stained knife was still in his hand

"You talking to me?" The thug angrily asked, as he eyed me down. "Yeah, what are you gonna do about?" I replied

Ambrose Bierce Street in San Francisco is not really a street. It's a narrow dead end alley, which seems strangely appropriate. Don Swaim calls it a "rank passageway." Would Bierce

AQUARIUS: You will receive an unexpected windfall this week. Be mindful of strangers who will want you to share your newfound wealth. Seek a Leo for companionship.

It was love at first sight. I saw him watching me and when I looked at him he did the cutest little shy lookaway. But there was just something there. I knew right away that we'd

He was rummaging in the dumpster for food when he found it,an unused lottery ticket. He leaned against a hefty bag & began scratching. He was so used to his bad luck, at first

After a few drinks Mr Ego thought he was the hottest man at the nightclub. Every lady he approached didn't seem interested in his moves so Mr Ego drank more alcohol and thought

And then he appeared. Patrick Swayze. His angel wings flapped from his temples. I tried to speak but he held up his finger. Shirtless. He said, "Now I've had, the time of my

My girlfriend loves chocolate, so I thought what better present? I had myself delivered to her apartment in a large box with a sash, encased in a life-sized chocolate Santa Claus.

The night before he'd crushed up thousands of ecstasy tablets and put them in the sugar dispenser. As he gave people their Venti's he watched them load up on