My aunt has a colostomy bag. She's shown me the bag, and the "stoma." It was so gross, but I felt bad for her so I pretended not to be grossed out. Why? Why must I lie to her?

"Russians. Koreans. Wookies. Lego People. Hicks! Burt Reynolds fans! Liposuction!" Suzan kept shouting clues. Mark stared in disbelief. She was the worst Superpassword partner

My spaniel, Birdy, loves me very very much. But if she could find a way of doing it without getting told off, then she'd eat me all up. I have no illusions about this whatsoever

It was a sweltering August day at the track. I needed Moneymaker to Show to save my month. I also needed to relax so I sparked some doobage. Took a puff and passed it to my grandma

It was a bright spring morning. I headed off to school as usual, but I couldn't stop thinking that something was different about this day. I started to

Picture a small ball of light. A small ball of light in a field of darkness. Slowly, the ball of soft white light is expanding, so slowly. It's just gently growing larger, becoming

"Push!" she screamed. "Puuuushh!" I was drenched in sweat and the vein on my forehead had popped out again. I strained, but couldn't get it up. "Puuusshh!" "I am!" I cried. The bar

Avery Brooks poured his heart out in song to improvised melody. Then Shatner butt in waaaay off key, puffy faced and serious

My mouth was raw and I could taste the sharp tang of iron. Looking around I didn't have a place to spit to see what was going on in there. I popped another hard candy. Last one for

He raised his cosmic Hand and said, "My name is Paul, and I'm a melange addict." The room swam with folksy possibilities from Earth in the 1930s, but they did have good coffee.

I will lead you to the two dozen most important practices. It involves a villa, linen envelopes, a screen door sprayed with PAM, and three Albanian

"I am not a whore, but a space whore!" screamed the senile old man. Long ago he was one of our nation's brightest minds, but now as he sit in the retirement home I can't help but

Anna was usually a quiet girl. She was always the one sitting in the back of the classroom taking notes or doodling in her notebook. Today was different. She

All stories are love stories.

After I'd used up most of the credit on prank calls, I thought it would be funny to text a message to a random person on the address list. I wrote "Where should I dump the body?"

We were charged with coming up with new cereal concepts revolving around celebrities. Some, like Al Frankenberries, never made it past the concept stage, but others, such as Honey

The line for the new iPad was three blocks long at 5am and people were getting testy. When an old lady tried to get to the bus stop, someone shouted “NO CUTS!” and a riot broke out

The big day was here. My parents were driving and I was in the backseat. I was listening to my favorite band on the radio trying to stay calm

The gun slinger SlimWhitman roamed across the western Swiss Alps on his trusty steed. SlimWhitmans's trusty steed was called

He finds it hard to keep coming back to me when I continue to insult him for cheating on me every time he gets high.