Arthur was surprised to see a new face at the Round Table. "Tonight I am pleased to have the company of King Arthur of Britain and several of his knights," said Charlie Rose. G

One time I forced a poop and this first attempt to "rush the kids in the pool" Ended with a "ahh Hnnn" POOT POOT schlllltPLOP wipe. This new found despotism of time now allows me

Gone were the days when a man could just grab the nearest concubine.

Call me Ishmael. Some years ago-having little or no money in my purse, I took a job at Starbucks. The manager, Mr. Ahab was obsessed by a customer he called the White Whale, who

A severed zombie head lay in the field next to him, moaning "brains' breathlessly to itself. To his right, a fiery jet of magma shot into the air, pooling in a small kitchen sink.

Have you ever twitched just as you're falling asleep? That's Them. Trying to get in. If you're strong you'll wake up a little and They go away. But if you're weak They enter and

At 11;47 am on a Tuesday, all the mimes in the world stopped in their tracks and began to migrate to New Zealand. Thousands drowned on the sea-leg of their journey, puddles of

Last night I found a picture from an old family photo album. It showed my family getting off the boat from Sweden to America 76 years ago, greeted by me. I was 13 when I found it.

Roger promised his mom that he'd stop swearing. But he still had the need to. So he started substituting "nice" words for the cuss words he loved so dearly. For example, when

The player with the least amount of respect goes first, draws one card from the pile, places it in the hand of the player to his/her left. That player then must roll the die.

So, it happened that Texas actually DID secede from the rest of the United States. To make up the deficit of states, Puerto Rico was made the new 50th, and we invaded Newfoundland

I do think the sex thoughts kind of compensate for my lack of connection to the physical realm, as my conscience mind spends a lot of time in the etheric and astral realms.

"Loose stool, you are so subtle, flying out of me like an Enterprise shuttle, space is cold it isn't cool, but even there you are loose stool." He put the microphone back in the st

"The end is nigh!" shouted a elderly lady with a compromising sandwich board plastered to her ample bosom. Some people shot her worried looks, wondering if she had escaped from

We are going to bombard the camp. Camp Candy cannot be allowed to survive on Vulcan because

"What Ug thinking? Sabertooth too much! Me no wanna see Cave painting museum anyhow." "Zorg gonna miss special exhibit on Fertility Goddess then - too bad." Zorgs monobrow furrowed

When they were younger they were stoners, but now it's crystal meth. They are perfect for eachother. He has a huge supply of razors, and she is covered in cuts. They both look

I'd been hitchiking for days, but I couldn't stop 'til I got there. My thumb was cramped, but I kept it extended until finally a truck stopped. "Won't you take me to Funkytown?"

"I drink Champagne like you drink water" boasted Belvedere. "Who are these people?" he quizzed. "They are your fans Sir" said Marchant. "They're unwashed, they disgust me"

The apocalypse of 2012 had gotten off to a slow start, but once it was underway it was a great time from beginning to end. This was definitely the apocalypse with the most alcohol.