So, it happened that Texas actually DID secede

So, it happened that Texas actually DID secede from the rest of the United States. To make up the deficit of states, Puerto Rico was made the new 50th, and we invaded Newfoundland

to regain some land mass. Our actions did not endear us to Canada, but since when did we care about invading other countries? Newfoundland was superior to Texas anyway in so many

ways since it had joined up with Labrador. The Texans wouldn't know what they were missing because they were too busy playing with guns. It is a shame because Labrador is

the number 1 dog in America, don't believe me? Google it. The Texans were mostly hanging out at Ray's TacoHut planning their next move, I didnt think much of it, bc Ray's tacos are

vegan. Yeah nothing is as intimidating as meatless tacos right? Anyway the Texans next move would be more surprising than the time I caught Santa drinking my mom's breast milk.

The Texan offered me $10k to start a rodeo clown school for paraplegic orphans. Flabbergasted, I took a huge bite of the meatless taco to think it over. "Ok!" I finally said. "I'll

teach your orphaned paraplegic nephew to be a rodeo clown. But I'll need a steady supply of Tofurky and a helluva lot of N.A. wine. The Texan put a hand on my shoulder and said

"I've got a supply of near pure Afghani Tofurky. The NA wine is sourced." "Come on Danny," I whooped, " out of the wheelchair and onto the rodeo pony." But he fell off. "Eat som

e chikin!" a Jersey hooved in the dirt. I walked over an punched it in the skull. "Forget the cow, Danny. Forget Chick'Fil'A. You can rise above your paraplegia. You can rise above

the homophobia. Together we'll make this plan happen. Even this cow knows the secret to eradicating America's internet speed deficit. All it'll take is decisive action."