christ, I'm fuckin sloshed. I'm five pints and a bottle of bucky down and I've got to get home. 'Peter,' Danny says, 'are you okay?' Does it look like I'm okay you fuckin gobshite?

I slammed the giant bird down on the table & said "FINE! Then you eat it." With that, I twisted the top off a giant jug of chardonnay & headed into the backyard. This Thanksgiving

The police broke into what they thought was a meth lab, but were surprised to find a guy in dark blue robes and a pointy hat holding a glowing alembic. "The Philosopher's

It was happening, the pressure was on with ten minutes to go. I flipped the bacon in the pan with one hand and chopped a bundle of chives with superhuman speed with the other. But

When i was young I would often deface billboard hoardings by painting nude pictures over the female bodies. They called me the quick change artist. I think they knew who it was but

"Diaries are kept by men: strong brushstrokes on smooth mulberry paper, gathered into sheaves and tied with ribbon and placed in a lacquered box."

So, to make our famous recipe, we will need the following ingredients: 1 Large egg, 2kg of margarine, 1 loose woman, 4 olives, a whiff of cow dung, a healthy dollop of

when I was a little girl, my mother used to love me so much. she used to kiss me and hug me all th time. However, when I became a young lady, she stayed away from me.

As I spread more cheeze upon my crackers and hugged my waifu pillow feeling knackered, there came a knocking at my bedroom door. "Tis only some pony clopping on my bedroom door."

The door opened in the ancient Abbey. The highly respected figure did not appear. Instead, there was a collective gasp as Tony Blair Witch entered

Skaggs had a nasty way of snapping the spine out of his pickled mackerel before consuming it that made Tom uneasy so he hid in an apple barrel in the Galley when Skaggs & Hook ente

This story is not about Hamlet, but about slow-adult cousin Omelette. Long before the famed-skullduggery, Hamlet was put in charge in Omelette. They traveled around

Slight of hand is easy; real magic is hard. I had to memorize each of the 52 cards' real names. For instance the 5 of spades was Biff.

Gangrene had left Clementine with a limp. Well actually two limps - one to the left, one to the right. These rare double limps cancelled each other out. She seemed to glide.

Paul of Snarkus paced wildly, dictating as usual. His scribe snickered. "For it is not the mouth of a hermit that defiles him, but what his fingers type that defiles him." The glow

The Mormons had taken to a new mission after trotting the globe. Other species. Ted the Mormon had been assigned to be a missionary to all mollusks. This was not going to be

The Strange High Man in the Woods has stood there for 80 years. Mother says he took his final walk the evening of April 23, 19__ and has not moved or spoken since. Some say he is a

Dear Santa, How are you? How is your wife? I'd like to explain that little incident at Charlie's place.

It wish to convey the results of my experiments in this diary. The potion was a complete success with some possible side-effexs. The deteriashun ov smarts is uh dum-di-dum. Weeeee!

Anthony wondered why the lady at the desk had given him the directions to this room. Everyone here was giggling maniacally or staring at nothing, rocking back and forth in their