Being a janitor at the CERN research particle collider wasn't as glamorous as he thought it would be. Infinitesimal bits were always showing up everywhere.

The sheets were wet under him. He couldn't open his eyes or move. He was in his ex-wife's bed. He knew because the air smelled like her vanilla perfume. Then he heard her laugh.

Just as the grass grows greener in the neighbors garden, ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. Though my marm tried to keep that sight from my eyes, I stowed away on

She was sooo busy. Really busy. Like no time. So she wore Juicy sweats. That's how busy she was. Stopped doing her hair. And made her face dour. She had no time for herself.

"So I was minding me own business down the pub, right, drinkin me pint of Foster's, watching the telly, when all of a sudden this big bloody beast of a man pushes me over and spill

Don't you hate when you slip on a banana peal on floor and fall. It's sad because people start calling you banana head. There was also on time when

There she is, black and white, walking through his garden - again. "She is not supposed to be here," he growled, "I warned her before." The back door is open, but she doesn't

Dear Princess Celestria, today I learned that the most important lesson of all is

I was a latchkey kid. We moved a lot, too. I never got a handle on settling down to a future that would inevitably change. One day on the way home, two roads. I took the shortcut.

Charlie Brown ran as zombie Snoopy chased after him. Everyone he knew was a zombie. Eventually he was cornered by zombie Rerun who

The alcoholic, chain-smoking,

ian drove his golden Volvo up the hill and down,parked by the bay and waited.He knew something would happen soon but didn't want to draw any atention on to himself.

Mr. Bojangles, a lovely man at times, enjoyed decapitating dead cats a randomly throwing the heads in kiddie ball pits throughout various children's amusement facilities. One day

We used to ride our bikes through the abandoned transmat docks, among rusty girders, phasing freight containers and veils of shimmering screams. One time at night Jimmy rode

Since High School, we have been playing one game of tag for fifteen years,

He was stuck like a truck in the muck, perhaps he would free with a fart? The fart came and it went, but no he was not sent, the toot just had no heart. Now we must

"I'm dreaming of a bloody Christmas with every suicide note I write. May your days be scary with plight and may all your Christmases be trite." "Hey, good one, my turn, my turn!"

"I wish he would just leave me alone" Mathew said to himself, " He's such a nosey person, maybe he should just go and talk to his own sun." Mathew got up and then

Putin was proud of the man cave he had put together in the bunker below the Kremlin. Foreign dignitaries would always ask to hang out and play

For fuck sake!Who did he think he was?She had tried to explain,but there was no reasoning with him and he was the wrong one...still he hung up on her leaving her no choice but to