Vern the Amish guy had a duck growing out of his side and liked to lawn bowl nude with his uncle. I first met Vern back in

At OWS Thanksgiving there will be a drumstick circle.

"Who are you people?" Janice cried, trying to fight her captors as they muscled her into the car. Her hands were tied behind her back and her shoulders hurt like hell. The men

"We interrupt this program for an emergency broadcast. President Trump's burrito bombed, so he declared war on Mexico. Chef swears Lo Mein is ok, but stay tuned. Back to the game."

"Do we have a sufficient supply of milk?" asked Gary. Nancy rolled her pretty green eyes & chided, "Why don't you just say 'Do we have any milk?'"

A giggle turned into a chuckle that begat a short burst of laughter out loud. A hearty guffaw then rounded steadily into the dreaded silent laugh where my stomach began to ache and

We're in a prison cell in Alcatraz. Squawkers won't tell where the motorcrash victim is. He stares at the patch of blue sky through the bars and sighs. In a garage in San Antonio

It was just another day for Deputy Sheriff Dick Blunt. He sat in his squad car on the side of the road, an empty box of donuts in the passenger seat. He'd been hearing reports of

The aliens came again last night. I know because my pajamas were all wet bunched in a corner of the room and I had on a fresh dry pair when I woke up. Third time this week.

I suffer from foldingstory Déjà-vu. You may think I mean when I add to a story, I have the feeling that I have seen this line somewhere before, but its much more disturbing than

Most time-travelers have bad body odor. This is due to the fact that people smell like the cuisine of their society, but are unaware of their own stench. In 2329 rotten-egg tea

His name was Sitting Bull. Famous chief. He was reincarnated as a hot Banana Boat Tanning Oil Supermodel in Maui. Drunk on Daquiries, she slipped and hit her head remembering

All she could think about was him. She looked forward to the day they actually came together but to her disappointment,

"Juergen, what are you doing out here? Your supposed to be realigning the Studebakers wheels!" "Sorry Bob,I was just reaching a Kolmogorov-Arnold-Moser state." "Jeez Juergen, can't

"The only thing missing from that, is a sausage patty," said Robert. Then Mike woke up and said, "And maple syrup."

He was a slobbish lowlife. He lounged around on his couch all day, downing a few bags of potato chips every few minutes. One day, his life changed when a young salesman arrived at

"That's how the cookie crumbles - you step on it," the detective muttered. A Keebler elf's corpse, with a boot print in the torso's stead, was at her feet. What murderous hiker or

"This trumpet is haunted, did you know that?" Percy shoved the instrument in my face. It was tarnish and dull and smelled faintly of cigarette smoke. Percy was a fucking liar.

Foodfighting is a far-flung tradition here at Worcester Prep. They don't call us the Fightin' Wallabies for nothing! You're a newbie, so you'll be in the front line today. Our ammo

The door was there but I wasn't.