Joe was hooked on Twitter from day one. It wasn't until he started thinking all of his thoughts in under 140 characters that he began to see it as a problem.

Finally the Mediation Borg returned with the Inflation Board. It was smirking. Even though they had no emotions, they were programmed with a bouquet of irritating gestures to

Along with a good portion of the country, I am still unemployed.

He rolled, bursting from the burning house at an unadvisable speed. A unfortunately placed stone connected with his foot and he flew forward skidding across the dirt with a crunch.

meet jack. jack is my bestes friend. my parents say he doesnt exist. but if he didnt exist then how could we have burned all those houses and

I walked in, only to find what I expected, but wanted to avoid. "Charlie!" I yelled, rushing to his body. He had lost a lot of blood, and I knew he wasn't going to make it.

"No, seriously, I can't believe it's not butter!" I said, scooping another dollop onto my slice of bread. Stephanie rolled her eyes. "That's because it's not," she sighed.

"Eat your carrots!" Linda said, trying to airplane her 7 year old son the undesirable vegetables. In any normal situation it would seem like the right thing to do - but it wasn't.

Nobody believes me when I tell them that I remember being born, but I was in that womb for five years. When I finally burst out in a display of gore and liberty, my (maybe) father

Waking up early in the morning, got up and looked outside, a man, in a hoodie wearing all black, was standing outside my house staring at me, I thought, "What is he doing there?"

... and that is why they are called Macaws." The zoo lady smiled brightly in her safari khakis. "Now, any more questions? Yes?" A grizzled man slowly raised his hand. He coughed,

Walking through the woods at night had his nerves frayed to their limit already, but Frieda nearly fainted when the mutated crocodile jumped out of the polluted river water and

When the wind howls through the sycamore on a moonless night, and the lonely travelers huddle around the guttering flames of their campfires for warmth, they say you can hear

Even without the smell of bleach stinging her nostrils, Mary new she was back at her old high school. It was the hallway echoed; she could almost hear the taunts of the other kids

then there was light.... and animals and trees and kumquats and coupons for futons and swizzle sticks and the Canadian Brass and huge amounts of matter just sitting there. "Huh,"

"Whoa. Guys, my toenails have, like, feelings," Chad surmised. I rolled my eyes. "Dammit Chad, you're the worst smoking buddy ever. Can I please listen to 2112 in peace this time?"

Billy was bouncing of the walls with energy. The pixie sticks he'd snorted had hurt like hell and caused a nosebleed but he was feeling them for sure now.

Billy Mays woke up screaming. The Wooden Mage hugged him. "I was selling the slap chop!" The Numbers of The Wall Council looked at each other. "Billy, you were in the Dimension

"What we have here, gentlemen, is a failure of wit." The airport brainscans showed massive cerebral erosion with activity in the brainstem only. "So why is he still at large?"

Do you believe? Do you really believe? How do you know you're not fooling yourself? Pretending, year after confusing year, that