Working at the factory was always hard, especially when the boss showed up unexpectedly and caught all of us Oompa Loompas making vanilla rivers instead of chocolate ones... so we

Blanche wasn't one of those little old ladies who didn't know how to drive her Porsche. When the trooper pulled her over

I sighed. Okay, Johnny, I'll tell you one more story before you go to sleep to be sure that you don't have any more nightmares. Here goes. "Once upon a time there was a young boy

"Youse just shots a whole in my Stetson!" The hombre pushed through the bat wing doors. "This woulda cost $69.95 at JC Penny's... retail!...during Crazy Days!"

Charles was poised, ready to strike. Assembled before him were bottles of ink, calligraphy pens, and even a quill or two. Sheets of paper lined the desk. It was finally time to

Stalin was driving down Lincoln after getting coffee and was rear ended by

This is a test. Testing how to start a story. Hello, my name is Jefforama. That's not my real name. If you knew my real name, I'd have to kill you. Just kidding.

Take it from me: When making a point about how easy it is to write a haiku, be sure to not screw up the syllable count. You just look silly. "Haikus are so easy/ In my sleep I make

Roll up a fatty. Twist it at the ends. You invite the homies. I'll invite the friends.

Why didn't the ginger guy blow himself up at the end of the first series of Homeland?

THE CHEESE OF DOOM PART 1 The cheese of doom. It never sleeps. It just watches you from the fridge. Wanting to be eaten. It's the cheese of doom.

Who said I am pretty? Braids hang low like willow trees. Eyes glossed over with innocence. My knees buckle everytime a guy waves at me. My skin is the posterboard for mother Africa

Hi, my name is Snuuuugglles." The teddy bear gave me a beady-eyed stare... which I could only break away from when the paper towel. said " ... and I'm Banner."

The fewer the submarine crews the better the

Dr. Myotis's cure for hearing loss was nearly perfected. His first human trial was moments away. Soon his son would hear again. He prepared the mRNA syringe and injected the boy.

Pro Tip: when drinking at work on a Friday it's best to keep the lights low and turn on some jazzy music to distract people. Put out some pretzels and just subtly dance around.

Ffwupp ffwupp...Ffwupp ffwupp...Ffwupp ffwupp... Creeeeeeeeeeeek...

She was the kind of person who goes to jazz bars to look cool,orders five different drinks with exotic names to show how sophisticated she is & I was stupid enough to fall for her

Prison psychologist: "Let's play Rorschach Roulette. I'll start, Beekeeper. Prisoner #39451: "Um... Burka?"

Nobody knows how Saturn got its rings. But I have a theory.