One day, a gruff Italian man strode out of his house to find a pile of dog shit in his front yard. Now, with the full knowledge that he hadn't a dog, he made the quick decision to

Be the first on your block to own your very own urine-powered ecobot! It vacuums, it it takes out the garbage it cooks! One good long piss in the morning & your ecobot's good to go

I was hot on Chaz's tail (um, so to speak) but SlimWhitman was way ahead and MoralEnd had nearly lapped me. Worse, PurpleProf was coming on strong, folding like her life depended o

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Oh God, not another job application! Here goes: First name: Wizard, last Name: Oz, Occupation:Pork Wizard. At Will Spells: Coat with Shake 'n' Bake, Baconator, Tofu to Bacon.

Alter one iota of your destiny and someone named wish might just encounter you. I found this out once while holding a cardboard sign outside the Fred Myer on Hawthorne Street. This

There is nothing better than Phở. It's a steaming hot bowl of redemption. I devoted my life to making the best Phở, though, honestly I had no clue, but I booked a flight to Saigon

You can't win 'em all in this game. There's always going to be the ones that got away, went wrong or turned psychotic. I've learnt these lessons the hard way by 15 years hard graft

Asimov, Clarke and Bradbury walk into a bar. The

'The 7 Habits of a Highly Effective Chick Sexers' #1: KEEP IT SIMPLE. There's only 2 sexes a chick can be. Don't complicate by having 4 or 10 sexes. A chick isn't a fungus. Kapish?

"I sell laughs." He said matter a factly. "You're a comedian?" I asked. He grimaced. "Humor isn't a language people understand. I just sell laughs. You want a sample? Put these on

Due to Newton's Law of Gravity, from where you are sitting, the weight of the world is not on your shoulders but on your butt.

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Head reeling, he watched her slumped figure disappear into nothingness. "Could it be?" He thought to himself, almost laughing at how ridiculous his explanation was for what he saw.

I grill your unadorned kielbasa with a Dick de Cocks cow dung smoked kraut." Without his mashimo, Max had no choice but to skedaddle. The troll next door had his precious orbs!

I walked in and a odd looking blob of blue substance waved at me on top of my newly painted dripping table. I turn and

I am a Fruit Loop in a world of Cheerios. Except in high school, where everyone else is a strange, bubbling concoction of high fructose syrup and artificial flavor and color.

The pomegranate seeds that Hades fed Persephone were heavy like lead. They stuck into her throat and she felt them grating slightly every time she swallowed.

He climbed down the stairs. He felt sick. He couldn't realise what he had just done. He wasn't afraid, really, he was just sick. He felt like he had eaten a whole bowl of raw frogs

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